My Favourite Broken Heart
by K.Le-i-gh.B
Summary: Heartbreak can leave you in pieces. It changes you. And that's what happened to Serena. However she can't escape the one who hurt her the most... but it turns out he was actually her favourite broken heart. Can the two sorry, bitter people make peace with their pasts and reconcile their differences? This is Serena's journey. Trigger warning too. MA rating for themes.
1. Prologue

**My Favourite Broken Heart**

 **ATTENTION – TRIGGER WARNING** : I am going to be touching upon some sensitive health situations like depression and bulimia… so please do not read if this might be a trigger. Regarding these issues, they are serious and real medical diagnoses. I assume everyone had a firm understanding of what depression is? I would also like to clarify, bulimia: usually someone within a healthy weight range who participates in binge eating with compensatory behaviour of vomiting, excessive exercise, abuse of laxatives, diuretics, or diet pills to prevent weight gain. Not to be confused with binge-eating disorder where the compensatory behaviour is not present as it's the rapid consumption and lack of control over eating.

Also… Aussie writer here… so for clarification:

Grade 1-7 is primary school, 8-12 is high school. We start school at the age of 6, through to 17.

Medical degrees here are a 4yr bachelor, 5th year honours. Plus another 2 years to get accredited. There are 3 options to get registered for accreditation. 2 of these 3 options are working under the supervision of an accredited practitioner who can sign off for your accreditation to the particular association of choice.

Psychological degrees are 3yr bachelors, 4th year honours. Same process for accreditation.

So I have based the ages and study periods off this information since I might mention some things and flashbacks at age points. However true to the series, they live in Japan for all tense and purposes. This is a fiction story in any case! Enjoy~

Finally - I do not own Sailor Moon :3

* * *

 **Prologue**

When I was a little girl playing with my dolls I had a clear vision of my future: a perfect white dress marrying Mr Right. It's what every girl dreamt of right? Finding Mr Right as soon as possible and marrying him and having his babies. Simple. But our perception of Mr Right was way off… perhaps lack of experience… let's just call it ignorance and innocents. Oh to be 5 years old again and believing the world was a magical place where princes were real and magic could save lives.

Growing up we had our crushes, and finding out they liked someone else was the end of the world to us! Life was definitely dramatic. You would get your girls around and talk about your crushes and what made them perfect. Was it their good looks? Great grades? How they acted cool? Maybe perhaps they were good at sports? But never once did anyone stop to figure out that that was all superficial stuff. That good looks and grades and even being good at sports didn't make a person, or mean they had good personal values or a sense of humour, or even a good personality. Pfft, no one cared about that stuff right? It was all about appearances that mattered the most.

Finally we do grow up and realise we wasted our childhood years crushing on people who were vain and arrogant, who were never going to look at us… and we missed those opportunities to meet the love of our life who we dreamt we would meet in high school and marry after college. We were too consumed with what we thought we needed and wanted to realise that perhaps someone needed and wanted us? Too consumed with trying to be like everyone else at the same time. The idea of individualisation was so far fetched, no one wanted that right? Our social groups and society told us we needed to crush on those famous people and those who looked like them in order to be popular and be liked? To want to belong with our peers and be accepted?

Did my parents keep those dolls from my childhood so I could go home and take my anger out on them and throw them out for misleading me? Or are my friends the ones I need to yell at for none of them told me I shouldn't worry about superficial things? Do I write a letter to every famous person and take my anger out on them for not sending the right messages across? Perhaps I should have talked to my parents or taken their advice? Whoa! Where did this maturity come from?

Maturity… the realisation of what we value most and really want. I think it comes back down to experience. That's what life is all about right? Experiences. The good and the bad. It takes a lot of maturity to accept it all right? To take responsibility for ourselves and our actions, including our thoughts. While I wish I could go back to being an innocent 5 year old, I really wish my current subconscious was present from the age of 5. How life would have been so different! But then if that was the case, I never would have gone through the experiences that got me here today… such a vicious cycle "experience" is.

The biggest experience that impacts us the most is definitely heartache. I'm sure we have all had our own fair share of broken hearts. Or at least had someone close to us go through a broken heart. At the very least, heard about broken hearts. It's an actual syndrome you know? I studied enough in the medical field to know what I'm talking about. Broken heart syndrome is also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy, with established ties between depression, mental health and heart disease. True fact! Most cases describe symptoms just like a heart attack. The bodies reaction to a surge of stress hormones caused by an emotionally stressful event like a death of a loved one, divorce, breakup, betrayal, or even rejection.

As a very emotional person myself, I was clinically diagnosed at the ripe age of 19 with broken heart syndrome… along with a few other medical conditions. Of course my younger self originally self-diagnosed this due to my tender young heart being broken by my very first love. I swore it was true love. I had developed depression and bulimia as a result. At the time of the break up I didn't want to understand the situation, nor take the time to understand where the other person was coming from, or why he felt the need to break up with me. Instead, I took his words to heart and took a massive hit to my self-confidence, which obliterated how I perceived myself and my worth. I was very vulnerable. Hence the depression and bulimia. But I'd like to mention that I sought professional help and I'm totally better now. Well that's a lie... I'm like 70% better now.

You see when I was younger, a fresh teenager entering high school, I realised my arch nemesis who terrorised me at my favourite arcade was also a senior at my school. I'll be honest; I never took note of the little things to piece this all together before choosing the high school I did. Upon reflection I'm not sure if I'd have chosen any different even if I was aware he went there as well. BUT, it was not pleasurable, his tormenting that is. Luckily I had 4 amazing best friends who made it all bearable. I was never one to believe that boys bully girls they liked, however in my case, it was completely true. I was astonished when this guy asked me out, out of nowhere, to be his girlfriend. Of course it took him 4 years, after my 16th birthday. Because of our age difference, I only had to endure one year at school of constant teasing. Being 5 years my senior, he was in his 3rd year of college studies by the time we started dating.

Might I add, it wasn't a simple yes either. I was really hesitant and thought for sure he was trying to tease me again, so it took him a few months of major sucking up before I finally caved in and said yes. Although our time together was short, I really felt our connection and relished in every opportunity we could be together. He was my first everything… he invaded every corner of my being to the point I didn't think I could live without him. He was like a drug. He came into my life like a whirlwind and made me feel things I never thought possible… and the day he left… was the most unbearable time of my life. I felt the withdrawals of him drive me crazy as if I was being strung-out.

AH! What a headache! I really need to stop thinking about these things. But long story short, he waited until I graduated high school before he decided to break up with me. He had also just graduated college with his honours and was planning to go overseas for work in order to get his accreditation. I don't really want to think about our word exchange at that time. It's too painful. But as an adult now, I can truly say I do understand where he was coming from. But I'm just as positive he was selfish and didn't realise how I would feel afterwards. It was not a clean break up. It was sudden, out and nowhere. And just as quick as the words left our mouths, he was out the door and we never seen each other again. I'd like to say ever again, life would have been much easier that way. But he did eventually come back to Tokyo…

I don't know if I believe in karma or coincidence… But of all the people in the world, and all the placed in the world… he ended up back in my life. He returned to Tokyo living in the same area, working in the same hospital… and I find myself questioning everything again. Going back to old habits I thought I once won against. But I guess Forest Gump's mother's advice was right; Life really is like a box of chocolates! Assuming you don't cheat and see what each flavour is. Perhaps a better analogy is a lucky dip?

You know, I tried to get my life on the straight and narrow. I had already applied for college before my high school graduation. After everything that happened afterwards I wanted to give up on life, so I took a year to find myself… and seek professional advice. I decided to go back the following year, but this time I changed my bachelor to Health science. Psychology to be exact. I wanted to be able to help others like my psychologist was able to help me. It was a very rewarding time for me. I valued everything I learned. I happened to get some pretty good grades that landed me a great opportunity to work under one of the top psychologists in Tokyo. I happened to get my accreditation and worked there for many years before I decided to open my own practice.

As part of my annual membership to the psychology association I have to do some pro rate work, which meant free work to patients at the hospitals. I chose the South Tomoe Private Hospital because one of my best friends happened to work there and it was relatively close to my practice and home. It is the biggest hospital in Tokyo, which also happens to be best with the latest technology and biggest funding available. Because of this reason, the one person I never wanted to see again chose this hospital to return to. Life really can be a pain in the arse.

And yet life had me sitting on my 31 year old arse, inside my childhood cupboard going through a box I really should have thrown out… possible even burnt up years ago! I really don't know why I kept these things… the reason why I reminisced about the past… arg! If I'd have thrown them away when I should have, I never would have had to remember such horrible painful things and had this ache in my heart again! But then again, the bad does also come with the good. Funny how that works. Like ying and yang. As much as my heart ached and eyes cried for the all the hurt this box awakened inside me… I also wanted to ache and cry over the happy memories.

Ohhh. How depressing I am being again! Why can't I just get over things easily and move on with my life! Why can't we just erase our memories and forget. But than maybe that is what makes us human? Oh why am I so tired… well I'm pretty sure it's going to be dawn soon… I should get some sleep. It's another bad day for me tomorrow… today? Let's get some shut-eye first and I'll let you in on my story? I'll start at the part where things turned my life upside down again… just a few months before this tragic moment right now.

Okay, deal!

* * *

 **A/N:** I am making this a short story – so don't expect a lot of chapters, characters, and POV's. Chapters will be longer than this one for sure! =D  
But I hope this sets a basis of how I want Serena's character to be.


	2. Chapter 1

**My Favourite Broken Heart**

 **TRIGGER WARNING** \- please be aware as per the previous chapter warning =D

AND I do not own Sailor Moon :(

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

"Good Morning Amy!" I said as I barged into her office. A very common Tuesday ritual for us. Well me. I barge a lot without knocking or making my presence known first. Terrible habit. One I _probably_ won't ever fix, cause I don't care! It's a professional environment and nothing personal should be happening here right?

"Hey Sere," Amy said wearily as she looked up from her monitor. She was sitting at her large oak desk in her very own private office. I first met Amy in primary school. She was a transfer in grade 7. She literally looked like a nymph with her tiny figure, short black hair that shone blue in a cute short bob style cut, and her massive blue eyes. You wouldn't think it, but this tiny woman was one of the smartest and most brilliant surgeons here in Tokyo.

Now don't get me wrong when I say tiny woman! She's only half a head taller than myself at 5'2". And by no means is she defenceless! We take kickboxing classes together every second Tuesday night. It worked out since we're both at the same hospital on Tuesday's, so we usually go straight there after work and dinner afterwards.

"In for a busy day?" I asked her as I placed her favourite coffee in front of her. The coffee shop downstairs in the hospital lobby wasn't actually half bad! And coffee is life, so thank goodness! Cause I lived off the stuff.

"Eh, you know how it goes for me. My days never run on schedule. I just hope no emergencies came in," she replied as she took the cup and took a sip from it.

I had already drowned half my coffee on the way to her office. I love it hot. Once it hits that lukewarm, the taste is horrendous! Sends shivers down my spine. "Why I never pursued a stressful job my dear," I laughed. I had been watching her carefully. Usually in the mornings she either meets me at the coffee shop or she's removed herself away from the computer to have a good chat. But this morning she was fidgeting and hardly made any eye contact with me.

She let a small chuckle out, "You know it's because I handle stress a lot differently than you. Plus I also have you to ensure I don't break down," she said as she finally made eye contact.

"You know that's just 'friendly' advice! I can't professionally help you given our friendship," damn ethics! But I did have to laugh. She was such a strong person in my eyes. I would have cracked under the pressure ages ago if I were in her position. "In any case," I said as I lapped my arse on the corner of her desk. "Why are you all fidgety this morning?" While I watched her flush I casually strained the last of my coffee down.

"Err…" she started as I assumed she was trying to formulate in her head how to tell me something. For all my years knowing Amy, this behaviour only happened when she struggled to tell someone the truth that she knew would hurt them, or make them uncomfortable. Terrible habit really – only because I'm now on high alert to hear something I probably don't want it. AND it's the first thing in the morning too… WHY!

"Whoa! Amy, wait!" I shot up from her desk. I discarded my coffee cup in her bin and slugged my bag over my should that I lumped on her couch when I walked in. "How about you tell me later, so it doesn't ruin my mood and my day yeah?" I suggested as I slowly backed myself to her doorway.

"Serena! Please, I really think you need to hear this now," she pleaded as she also stood up from her desk.

"No, No," I waved my hand in her direction, "I'm in such a great mood! And if it's as bad as I think it is, then tell me before kickboxing tonight!" I gave her one of my winning smiles in hopes she would drop it. I really was feeling great. If it were bad news, well kickboxing would help me release the tension caused by it.

I could see her munching on her lip in contemplating, "Okay, Sere. But I feel like you might find out yourself before I'm able to tell you." Her eyes went to floor at my feet as her hands found themselves in her medical coat pockets.

What would I find out? Was it a patient? Maybe a new staff supervisor or manager? Not that I happened to hear anything about it. Though I guess since I am not technically employed by the hospital why would I be privy to those important updates? But usually the nurses and that are always up to date with their gossip before announcements are made… Have I heard anything recently? Mhmm I really had to think about this. Nothing was tingling in my brain.

"Ames, you're worrying me! Let me enjoy this good feeling for once! I'm sure you're just being over reactive with whatever it is," I laughed it off as I left her office before she could say another word. It's not every day I actually feel good and happy! I needed this to last! Today WILL be a good day damn it!

Although I was not employed by the hospital, I was given my own consultation room slash office due to an agreement and contract of my services. I signed a 5 year contract with the hospital to be the 'free' psychologist to those who qualified for my services. Majority of my clients were here due to accidents and needed my help to cope with the rehabilitation.

Oh, I guess I never actually specifically told you what I do for work did I? Well know you know. Although my arrangement with the hospital means I am here every Tuesday; Every second Thursday I also take appointments here. For those who need emergency sessions however, I can make an effort to squeeze them into my schedule and pop into the hospital. This can be very difficult, and I'm so lucky I have such an amazing personal assistant! I have no clue what I would do without her. We came to a great arrangement that works for both of us, and luckily the systems to link my hospital planner and my clinic planners sync perfectly. I'm making an effort to touch some wood now, cause seriously, there has not be an issue yet!

I'd like to say my job is easy… but it isn't! I don't just sit a chair asking a patient how they feel about this and that! Though, to be honest, I wish it were. My easiest and hardest patients are here at the hospital. With rehab patients it's pretty straightforward to work with them. However when it comes to psych evaluations of patients that need to be transferred or need psychiatric help… arg! They are not fun at all! But I'm glad to have my regulars at my clinic. Luckily with my experience I have worked with a broad range of mental disorders and illnesses. So my time is worth a very pretty, and very shiny penny. Which is great cause I do have a bit of a shoe obsession… hahah! A bit… who am I kidding?

Luckily Amy's ward was in the same wing as my office, and the rehabilitation centre was the next building. See, hospitals don't actually function right. There is no order amongst all the chaos and weird decisions get made! You see, my office happens to be on the 4th floor with almost every other important person in the ward. However I do get a cool little waiting area – which I manage myself. But you see, I tend to see my patients in the rehab centre or their own rooms for convenience sake. When I happen to do other jobs for the hospital like psych evaluations and that, they also arrange me to visit the patient. So really hardly anyone ever gets seen in my 'office'. But at least it was a place I could call my own and do my own paperwork. Even though there has been a few times I have asked my assistant to come and help me out with the admin side of things in my office.

-BEEP BEEP BEEP- -BEEP BEEP BEEP-

Ohh shoot! My alarm. Another terrible habit I have is dawdling! I do try to be punctual… but well time always manages to slip by me. I quickly scanned my finger at the door and opened it. The security in this hospital was top notch! Everything is either finger scanned or key pad. On the other side of my door is a pad to turn this off if I needed my office to be unlocked for patients. But with a swipe of my finger, it's full lock down mode. I dumped my belongings on my desk as I grabbed my phone from my pocket.

Alarm off!

I swear I'd never get anything done if it was not for my bazillion alarms! They truly are life saving some days. They help me manage my day to day schedule to ensure I am running efficiently and never forget anything. Like my very own 24/7 assistant that doesn't have their own life because it's dedicated 100% to me.

Plonking myself into my massive leather chair I let out a substantial sigh. Amy had gotten to me. I could feel my mood slip. ARG! Some best friend huh? I pulled my iPad out and started with my schedule. I am completely paperless where I can be. Which means maintaining files and that is super easy and stress free. Something else I am sure my assistant really appreciates about her awesome job. It definitely makes running around convenient too with all my patients not having to lug around bundles of paper.

I put my purse and personal belongings into my bottom drawer and locked it. Opening the top drawer I pulled out my voice recorder and a spare battery. You can never truly trust technology!

I hated how unflattering the medical coats were. But I got up and took mine off the coat rack near my desk and put it on over my super cute pink pussy bow blouse and waisted black pants. My classic look really. I loved blouses with those big floppy pussy bows around my neck. I always teamed them up with my favourite pants, or of course the classic skirt and pantyhose. Remember how I said I was a sucker for shoes? Well heels to be exact. Damn my calves look AH-MAZE-ZING in heels! Which is why I tend to wear skirts and dresses more. But keeping it professional with pantyhose – plus it's kind of kinky right?

I guess now is a good as time as any to actually introduce myself right? Well the name is Serena Tsukino. And I ain't going to give you the low down of my whole life… so don't ask. I'm possibly the shortest person I know at a whooping height of 4'11". Another reason why I love heels so much! Perhaps I'm compensating for something? Hahah. Okay… where was I. Right. I'm a classic Blonde – in regards to my personality. I'm a natural platinum blonde FYI. I've always been very feminine, and believe woman should have long hair, so my hair is quiet long as it sits just at the end of my tailbone. Maintenance is very hard, yes. But totally worth it cause its one thing I love about my body, which has helped me with my self-confidence. Otherwise, not much to say… sky blue eyes, porcelain skin… a super duper one of a kind astoundingly killer personality. Great sense of humour.

Okay, perhaps my personality and sense of humour are a kind of coping mechanism to deal with stress. Or even possibly use them as a guise to direct people away from thinking I was actually dealing and coping with some really heavy personal issues? But I'd prefer people to look at me and judge me as that happy go lucky air head, instead of a stress head who cared too much about everything around her instead of her own self. I've been at this game for years now, and I'm a bit of pro at putting on a front. Don't we all have something we lie about and try to hide from other people? So please do not judge me too harshly for trying to cope in a way that I can handle.

-BEEP BEEP BEEP- -BEEP BEEP BEEP-

My alarm again! 10 minutes before my first appointment. I grabbed the extra spare batter and put it into my pocket. I picked up my iPad, phone and Dictaphone and headed towards my door. Being paperless has it perks. Just three items and I am set. Easy. Simple. Already out the door heading towards the rehab centre.

My days usually go by pretty quick. Mornings I find are the quickest, cause before I know it it's 1-2pm in the afternoon and I'm starving! Today was different. By 12pm I had wrapped up with a patient and finally had a few hours before my next patient. I might look like a lady, but I had the stomach of a hippo! Food and me are a match made in heaven. The sweeter it was, the better. Of course during college when my body changed, I realised I couldn't eat as much as I wanted, because slowly I noticed the weight gaining. Maybe the downside of ageing? But I joined a gym and a few classes like kickboxing to help. Of course I have a few other little secrets up my sleeve for just in case as well. In a world where body image was so important, it's hard not to feel self-conscious.

But, as I was saying. Lunch time! FOOOD! Today I'm a little more excited because apparently there is a free, YES FREE, lunch happening in the boardroom in the wing of my office building. Apparently there was a new person starting – The chief of surgery? News to a lot of people apparently. It was a very last minute hire along with a very last minute resignation? I'd definitely have to speak to Amy about this later for more details… maybe this was what she wanted to talk to me about? Though it would not explain her unusual reserve about the whole issue. But if not Amy, I'd bump into one of nurses first – damn gossipers can be good for something sometimes.

But the gossipers in the rehab centre said he was quite young considering, and very handsome. To be honest, I was working on a stereotype since the last Chief was probably heading into his 70's and judging by some photos around the hospital of his younger days… he wasn't someone I would describe as 'hot' or 'handsome'. Though I suppose that is very subjective. But I was very keen to see with my own eyes. Eye candy never hurt anyone right? It's not like he was going to distract me since I was hardly in the building. Plus I was only there 3 times a fortnight… although more in some cases. AND, I'm not even a surgeon! So I'd be VERY rare, if at all, I ever 'ran' into him.

I could smell the food as I left the elevator. Just a short stroll down the hallway into food heaven! I was literally crossing my fingers hoping that I wasn't too late and there was still some good food left.

Opening the doors I basked in the smells that wafted over me. If this was a cartoon I would definitely be drooling. But being very aware of other people around me, I quickly looked for someone I knew. I couldn't see Amy, but I did see Zoicite. Now, HE, was a very cute gentleman. Babyface I like to call him. He had long, curly tan hair that he usually tied in a low ponytail. When I say babyface, it was like he stopped ageing at 20. But he did have the purest grass green eyes I had ever seen in my life. Amy and I were the same age, however Zoicute was a few years older than us.

"Zoi," I waved brashly as I headed his way through the crowd. There were more people in here than the room was designed to cater for. This guy must have peaked a lot of people's interests. Though considering how sudden it all was, I don't blame people for being nosey.

"Serena," he said softly as we embraced. Now this was a friendly embrace! I actually met Zoicite through Amy. You see, he possibly has THE BIGGEST crush on the girl, and she's so focused on work to really acknowledge it. He was sweet, and very patient. But some days it broke my heart to see how much of a puppy he was as he followed her around. "How's your day been?"

"Eh, the usual. Nothing out of the ordinary for me," I laughed as I pulled a piece of pizza off his plate.

He just laughed at me as he offered the rest of his plate to me. Did I mention how sweet he was? "It's too bad Amy had a surgery at this time," he started, "It's been awhile since us three last had lunch together."

"Amen my man," I said between mouthfuls. "So is that why you are here?" I looked at him. "To see if you could have lunch with her?" I winked as I laughed. This was not the wing he worked in. He is a pharmaceutical researcher here at the hospital.

"That, plus I wanted to see my friends," he laughed. I guess we'd been around each other long enough to have that unspoken bond and understanding.

"Plural?" I looked at him. Mhmm… besides Amy and I, there wasn't anyone else he really called a 'friend' in this wing or part of the surgery teams… "Do you know the new guy?" I asked while I looked at him quizzically.

"Yeah," he smiled, "I was actually really surprised when I learnt he was here to be honest."

"Why?" Why am I so interested? God Serena, keep piling the food in your mouth.

Zoicite laughed as I continued to shove food in my mouth. "We studied abroad together. Well he was actually my senior and teacher. He was doing his doctorate, while tutoring a few of the classes I was taking," he started, "However we got along pretty well and stayed in contact. He was always very conflicted about coming back to Japan, so I never imagined he would make such a quick choice to come back." I feel like there was more he wanted to say, but held himself back.

"Mhmm," I hummed. Soooo that made Doctor Dreamy around 36-40ish? Zoi was 35 (4yrs older than Amy and I), and this newbie was older. Zoi also happened to go to an Ivy League College. And I'm sure your making the same assumptions as I am about that type of education. Handsome, rich, really smart… I eyed Zoicite. He was a softly spoken man who was very similar to Amy it scared me. When I say this, I mean naïve and innocent. And judging myself, as well as our other friends… I'm sure Zoi's friend was not like him at all. To be honest, I have this tingling sensation that's almost like an alert for me.

"He's a great guy, Sere. Pure genius. No doubt that is why they took this opportunity to get him here." It really looked like Zoi looked up to this guy a lot. Potentially hero level.

"Mhmm," I continued to hum. This tingling sensation was only getting worst. You know that little voice inside your head that tells you something _feels_ off? Boy mine was yelling at me.

"Want me to get you some more food?" Did he just ask me a question? I think that's what he was asking me.

"What?" I'm sure my face was like a deer in headlights. "Sorry, I was thinking about something." I must have looked weird. I was even chewing on air.

"It's okay," he chuckled, "I'm used to it. But whatever it is, don't stress. It causes wrinkles," he laughed.

I had to hit him on the arm for that one. Wrinkles to a 30 year is NOT a joke. "bad habit."

"I know. Stress is second nature for you." He gave me side hug with a small reassuring smile. "Want that plate of food before the introduction happens?"

I noticed he was look at the people getting around the podium. I looked at the plate. As much as I wanted to eat, I also wanted to be sick. My intuition was telling me to run. I needed Amy here. Someone I felt 100% secure around. It wasn't for any other reason but the unknown. Something about not knowing something made me feel really anxious. I hated surprises. I think the fact that what was happening right now was too sudden for me to handle it. It was weird, because part of me wanted me to be chill and rationalise because it didn't affect me. But I couldn't help it.

"I'm all good. Thanks though," I gave him one of my award winning smiles. We shuffled back a bit to create a fluid line were everyone could see the stage as someone started to test the microphone.

Zoi gave me a reassuring smile. I knew he didn't buy it. But like I said, we had that unspoken bond. He knew when not to push me.

"Hello," the presenter started. I forget her name, but she was an administrator for the executive offices here. As in the CEO and VP kind of people. "If we are all ready to start, please give a round of applause to our CEO Souichi Tomoe," she finished as she started to clap her hands.

As she started to walk away, a white haired man with round glasses covering his weary old grey eye walked on stage. Mr Tomoe. He had inherited the hospital from his family. Luckily he was a man of the medical field – otherwise this wouldn't be the most prestigious, and technology driven hospital in all of Japan. He had a vision and was in the right position to make a difference.

"Thank you," he said as he waved his hands to hush the room. "I appreciate those who took the time to be here – even if it were on such short notice. And addressing that last fact; as you are all aware, our last Chief of surgery, Dr Magus Kaolinite, unfortunately had to retire suddenly due to personal issues. However, luck would be on our side! For we have had the pleasure to secure one of the most prominent bright minds in the medical field to replace Magus. Thankfully timing was on both of our sides, and he was eager to return to Tokyo and take up this very generous offer to be apart of our family here at South Tomoe Private Hospital. Please give a warm welcome and a round of applause to the new Chief of Surgery, Dr Darien Chiba."

My whole being just shuttered into millions of tiny bits. His name kept resinating in my mind. Of all the people in the world, and all the places we could be… the odds of this moment happening was very slim. Yet that's the thing about statistics and probability… and those damn spidey senses. I really should have run before when they were telling me to. Yet I was frozen in place staring at the scene before me. Everyone was clapping around me as a tall man with ebony black hair walked towards the podium and gave Mr Tomoe a handshake. He started to say a few words, but everything was washing over me into complete silence. The thing I could think and hear was RUN! My whole being was urging me to run. And that was what I did.

Flight mode kicked in way above everything else. I didn't worry about what people thought of me running out and being rude. I only cared that I got out of there. Before I knew it I found myself in my office. My safe heaven. I had thrown the plate I was holding onto at some point on my way here. I had fell onto the ground towards my bin and threw the content of my stomach into it.

The amount of thoughts that I was having, I swear I was going to have a mental break down. But I was at work. I couldn't allow this. But all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry as my mind flooded itself with these terrible thoughts. Damn anxiety. Rationally I knew I shouldn't care or worry. But at the same time, I was so self-conscious now. It felt like I was naked in a room full of people watching and judging me. I felt so insignificant.

I heard a knock at my door. I don't know why I was so frightened. I was in a safe place. Was I? Was it safe now that someone was here? I could feel my heart raging against my rib cage. Who was it?

"It's me Sere, Zoi," I heard the voice through the door with knocking once more. I could also hear the handle trying to be pulled, but the clunk of the lock wouldn't allow the door to open.

He was a safe person for me. It was early on in our friendship when I had a breakdown. Luckily Amy was around to help me and fill him in. I'm not sure what she said, but he was always there for me after that. He was really understanding and patient. And Like the incident now, knew how to handle the situation to calm me down. I was lucky to have him and Amy here, otherwise my work really would have suffered.

I crawled myself to the door and unlocked it. I watched as Zoicite open it cautiously, watching out for me. "I don't know what the trigger was, but I was right there Serena. You should have relied on me if you weren't feeling good," he said quietly as he went to my desk and opened my middle drawer. I had kept a stash of my prescribed pills (one from a qualified psychiatrist… I don't actually have the power to prescribe, luckily) in my desk. I keep my pills everywhere. My desk at both work places, every room of my home, my bags, my car…

Slowly he approached me, taking the water bottle off my desk. Bending down he grabbed my hand and shook the contents of the bottle into my hand. Unscrewing the water bottle, he offered it as he watched me place the pills into my mouth. I gladly took the bottle and let the cool water glide down my throat. Once I was done he took the bottle and placed it on the ground towards his back and gathered me into his arms.

"Shhh, its okay," he slowly petted the back of my head, "be calm like the ocean. Let the waves wash over you. Feel the current as it pushes you back and forth. Sway with the motions," slowly I could feel us swaying. Silly as it sounds, but this was really soothing for me. I could feel the drugs starting to take effect as my senses went a bit numb. Luckily they worked quick, or I'd have lost my job ages ago, along with poor Amy and Zoicite. These were really strong muscle relaxants. They helped me loosen up, as I get really tense and rigid when I'm stressed and having a panic attack.

"Thanks Zoi," my voice crocked as I pulled away from him. "You are a life saver." He had already gotten up and was helping me up now. I was still shaky and taking deep breaths, but I felt a little bit calmer now.

"Anytime. Just wish you'd have told me sooner to avoid the severity. It's not good going through this," he said carefully as he watched me piece myself back together. I could see him looking at the bin. It was a terrible habit. Plus, because of years of throwing up I had a lot of stomach issues and my oesophagus was not in the best of shapes. "How is your afternoon looking? Not too busy? Do you need me to call Trista?"

"No, no," I eventually said as I grabbed my iPad. Luckily I came back here before heading straight to the boardroom for lunch. I had a quick scan to see how my afternoon was looking. Luckily afternoons were relatively slow. I see most of my patients in the morning. Usually why I have a later lunch. "I've only got a couple of people to see. So it's okay." Another one of my award winning smiles came out. The smile that told the world I had successfully pushed everything out of my mind and my mask was firmly on. Deep down this was bottling everything up, but sometimes it was easier to try and 'forget' and move on. It's like I was running away from the issue… I just didn't want to think about everything that had just happened at this very moment.

"If you're sure. I need to get back," he paused for a moment and gave me a quick hug. "I'll tell the nurses to send a cleaner up here to remove your bin. But I'll see you around yeah!" he smiled before quickly leaving. I don't think he's ever been comfortable when this happens. He was brave to actually help. But I knew it was all for Amy's sake. He would do anything for her, and me being her best friend, I'm sure he felt obliged to help me in order to stay in her good graces.

I was in my office for another hours before I left to use the bathrooms across the hall from me to wash up – including brushing my teeth. I quickly fixed my make up and hair. Not feeling 100% towards the image in the mirror, I gave a small smile in defeat and left. Picking my things up back in my office, and putting a couple of extra pills in my coast pocket, I made my way to my next patient. I was running 10 minutes behind. I really hoped it wouldn't cause a snowball effect with my other patients.

Unfortunately that was wishful thinking. But luckily they had nowhere else to go, so they didn't mind me being late, or our sessions ending a bit later. But by the end I was exhausted. At least it meant 30 minutes less I had to wait for Amy. She worked a lot longer hours than me, so I usually had to waste a few hours until she finished work so we could head off to our fitness class. To be honest, I wasn't really feeling up to the class… and I'm sure Amy would understand if we skipped and went straight for drinks. I was starting to feel a bit tense again. Maybe this was exactly what Amy wanted to warn me about this morning? I took a couple more of my tablets from my pocket before leaving my last patient.

I was just coming out of my patient's room when I bumped into the wards department director – Melvin Umino. Everything that happened in this ward was all managed and directed by him. It's funny because he was a senior at my high school as well. Just a few years older. It was also very common knowledge he was hooking up with one of the administrative nurses – Molly Osaka. When I say hook up… I legit mean hook up. They weren't serious - in regards to neither considered they were dating each other or anything. In my opinion it was weird. BUT it did serve Molly good being the head gossiper. WHEN she showed up for work. Lately there was a bit going on with her family and wasn't around lately. If she had of been here, I probably would have been well informed about someone's return to Tokyo and plan to work here. AKA, been aware to be alert for someone to ensure we NEVER 'bumped' into each other. Ever!

"Ah! Serena," Melvin started as he locked eyes on me. I could never tell when he was in a good mood or not, or how he was going to treat me. To be fair… I understood his disposition on me. During high school I was not known to have any of the qualities I posses now. Like being smart, on time, or presentable. In high school I was a bit of a ruckus. I slacked off a lot. Was he being prejudice? Well yes. Working with people you have known for a long time does cause this dynamic work environment. Especially when I throw a spanner in there and tell you that Molly was also in my class grade. Small world huh? And Goodness knows what SHE had been telling him about me. Some days he respected me and what I made of myself, others I'm sure he looked at me like I was that 14 year old teenager again expecting me to make a spectacle of myself.

I sighed. "Melvin," I said giving a small smile and head bow. He was my superior here at the hospital in any case. We were in the work environment, so I tried to keep it professional. Most of the time. Melvin was an average height with brown hair and eyes, and massively oversized glasses. I'm sure if he got some contacts and cleaned up his appearance a bit, he had potential to be quite handsome.

"I just wanted to let you know, in case you have not heard. But Mrs Kaolinite left us quite abruptly. However the hospital was very quick indeed to find a very suitable replacement," he smiled, almost like he was proud. He had always talked about things as 'matter of fact', being smug and smart to know things others weren't aware of at the time. "So don't fret when you see someone else lurking around doing the rounds instead of Mrs Kaolinite, okay." He had pushed his glasses up while looking at me to ensure I understood.

I repressed my sigh and gave a small smile, "I was aware, thank you Melvin."

"Oh splendid," he gave me a pat on the shoulder. Something he usually does when he was done talking. However his eyes went straight over my shoulder, and he was not moving from his spot, or took his hand from my shoulder. "Hold on, let me introduce you." He gave me another smile as he took his hand off and waved towards someone behind me.

"Dr Chiba," he yelled straight over my shoulder.

I gulped as I felt a wave of nausea wash over me. Thank goodness I took my pills just a moment ago. I could feel myself sweating. I had all this saliva in my mouth, almost like I was about to drawn. I felt so small and insignificant, and all I wanted to do was run away. Why was the world doing this to me? Did I have bad karma? Did I do something wrong that I was not aware of? WHY did he have to come back? Why did he have to be here, of all places, of all times!

I could hear the footsteps approach as Melvin moved to the side to introduce the new person. The feeling of being smothered started to creep its way into me. I tried my best to push how I felt aside and held my face high; but my gaze was towards the ground. I just couldn't look at him. I couldn't bring myself to.

"Let me introduce you to someone," he said as the other man finally stood before me. Nice shoes at least. "This is Dr Serena Tsukino. You will see her around the hospital every now and than. She is an outside Psychologist that we contract for particular patients. Her practice also offers free limited sessions for hospital staff as per our agreement if you never need the service. Serena, this is Dr Darien Chiba, our new Chief of surgery."

I heard his small humph when Melvin introduced me as doctor. What? Didn't he think I was capable of doing my doctorate? He probably never imagined I'd even be able to go to university. I was really starting to get angry now. I know he never thought I'd be capable of anything but being a good wife for someone to show off - in terms of finding myself a rich husband to look after me.

The tension was just getting worst. I swore I heard him chuckle when Melvin was done introducing us. I know I was being rude and unprofessional by not being polite and meeting his gaze. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Do I say hello? Pretend we don't know each other? But before I could decide, he spoke up.

"Long time indeed," he started, "but Serena and I actually go way back, Melvin." I could feel the smile over his words. There was an undertone of poison. "How have you been Serena?"

How could he be so calm? It was like nothing to him. I was nothing to him. He didn't spare a second thought to me after all. He was able to move on like nothing happened. Like we were just acquaintances. I don't know why, but I was starting to get irked. He always found a way to infuriate me. Did he really not care what he done to me? I swallowed hard and took a breath. I sharply turned my face towards him and stared him down, "I've been good actually. However I need to correct Dr Umino. Because of our _history_ , it would be very unprofessional of me to help you in my position. However if you do feel the need to seek help, I would be happy to arrange a referral for you Mr Chiba, as per the hospitals agreement." Damn I was on a roll! Not one stutter or mistake. I turned quickly to Melvin, "Sorry Melvin, but I have to be on my way. If you'll both excise me," I said giving a small head bow and walking away. Few more steps until I'm around the corner. Breath. You got this girl.

Was it too rude? I didn't really care. I just needed to get away from him. There was too much unknown in that situation and I couldn't handle it. Plus I was getting too angry. At least anger was better than a panic attack.

I raced back to my office and completed my work and filing. Taking my coat off and placing it on the rack, I grabbed my bag and locked up. I headed straight to Amy's office. Earlier I was ready to ditch kickboxing… but now with this anger, I couldn't wait to hit something!

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 **A/N** : I hope you all enjoyed. This will be the writing style, all Serena's POV. I will come back once the story is completed to focus more on the thoughts and feelings she is going through. Right now I don't want to spend too much time, otherwise I'll never update and post new chapters!


	3. Chapter 2

**My Favourite Broken Heart**

ATTENTION – TRIGGER WARNING: Talking about some sensitive health situations like depression and bulimia… so please do not read if this might be a trigger.

 **A/N:** Someone mentioned that the timeline from the prologue to chapter 1 is off. This is on purpose. If you read the prologue, it states near the end that she is going to tell her story starting from a few months BEFORE the events in the prologue. So the point of my prologue, is to set a stage and understanding of her thoughts for the things that have happened, and will happen from that moment in her life.

I also wanted to say a massive thanks to everyone else who has reviewed =D So glad some people are enjoying my story.

P.S. I don't own Sailor Moon... without further ado, enjoy~

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 **Chapter 2**

"I can't believe how much energy you had, and how hard you were hitting Serena," Amy started as she picked at the food on her plate. I felt like she was trying to get at something, delicately. Before we left the hospital I shared some interesting choice words with her about the surprise she was trying to warn me about. Luckily our friendship still intact. Not that I blamed her, or accused her… it was more of me having a mental attack with all my thoughts and taking my frustration out on her. Thankfully, she was very patient and understanding.

"Yeah well, I had A LOT of steam to blow off," I replied sarcastically as I took a swing of my cider. I wasn't much into alcohol, but I liked cider. It was sweet and bubbly. I knew deep down I shouldn't really be drinking while in this current mood… but I couldn't help it. We all know drinking dulls the senses, hence why people with issues tend to be alcoholics… but that becomes an addiction due to the chemicals in our brains telling us it is a reward. And although forgetting was something I'd love to do, I also knew deep down I couldn't help myself out of this problem. Because in one weeks time when I return to the hospital, he will _still_ be there. If only drinking to access _could_ solve all my problems.

"Again, I'm sorry Serena," Amy started. When I marched into her office after work she still couldn't make eye contact with me. And even now she was struggling. Why was she feeling so guilty? It's not like _she_ was the main contributing factor as to why _he_ was employed to be the new chief… right? Did I even want to know the answer to that? Amy _did_ have _some_ pull in the hospital… but I don't think it was enough to be that major. Perhaps it was just the fact that she didn't know how to bring up the issue? She knew what happened between Darien and I way back, and she was one of the main people who helped me through my dark sorrowful days. Perhaps that was it.

I had to stop her from saying sorry again, "AMY! We already discussed this back at the hospital. Just drop it. I really don't want to spend more time talking about that person," I sighed. I really didn't even want to acknowledge his existence right now. I took another swing of my cider, wanting to just forget this awful day already. Perhaps I could just pretend he didn't exist? It's not like I had to work with him… So I could totally avoid him… purposely… yeah? That could work.

Our kickboxing class was a great release though. I couldn't even describe how angry I was when we left work! I was probably seething hatred when we arrived at the venue. Would explain some of the looks I received. Towards the end I was ready to collapse from exhaustion. But it was definitely what I needed. I did feel a lot better, and _a lot_ less angry. To cheer me up further, and to apologise, Amy let me chose where to have dinner. I needed to refuel, and binge. I chose Ribs and alcohol! Nothing like tearing meat directly off the bone with your teeth in a very primal way to release some tension. Of course in my head I was tearing meat of someone else.

"Okay!" she laughed in defence. I'm sure to try and lighten the mood. "At least slow down with the drinking. I can't believe how much you have ate and drunk," she shook her head. Sometimes she acted motherly, but she had one of the softest and caring hearts I have met. Which is what made her a great doctor and surgeon too. But there was an underlying tone on her words. Like I said, she basically knew everything about me.

And she was right of course… I really did eat a lot. I binged. But I was starving. And food is life. I don't regularly have ribs, so I had to have my fill. Okay, maybe I'm making excuses for my behaviour, and maybe I was venting some of my left over anger out on those poor ribs. Plus the alcohol helped take the edge off my feelings. I really just wanted to forget today and sleep peacefully tonight. I deserved that! My day started great with a great feeling, and now look! I'll never look forward to another happy morning as it'll be a sign for a bad omen!

After dinner Amy and I parted ways and I found myself heading back towards home. Luckily I lived on the south side close to my work, and close to public transport. I did have a car, however I rarely used it. But I really enjoyed the walking. It was calming actually. And being close to the city, it was brightly lit and safe. Especially at times like this – where it was later in the night. There was a cool breeze, along with perfect quietness.

It was like I was on autopilot until I got to my building complex. It wasn't a massive place as it was just me living there, but it was modern and spacious enough. I lived in a prestigious building complex that has the latest security technology, as well as a great location! It wasn't secluded, but it also wasn't right next to a main road. It was more like a little community of towers. There was a handful of towers around the vicinity, as well as a massive park which lead to the near by man made lake. But what drew my attention was the convenience to a few shops and heaps of cafes in walking distance. There is also this little café at the bottom of the housing tower next to my tower building that I attend regularly on weekends.

When I got inside my front door, I found myself fishing my phone out. I dumped my bag on the hallway table and shrugged off my coat, placing it on the hook above the table. Entering the threshold of my home was like a shower that allowed me to dissolve the façade I was putting on. I instantly felt my mood drop. I wondered straight to my bedroom into my ensuite bathroom. Since Amy made me realise how much of a pig I was, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I hated this feeling. I couldn't explain it, but it made me feel very depressed and insecure. This insecurity was the reason I was now hunched over the toilet trying to make myself vomit. I ate what 3 people would have eaten. All those calories. Not to mention the alcohol. I couldn't afford to gain weight. I was actually at a size where I felt comfortable and had some self-confidence.

I wiped my mouth with some toilet paper when I was sure my stomach was empty. With shaky hands I undressed and walked into the shower. I couldn't tell you how good it felt to have those hot beads drum down onto my skin. I loved this feeling. I even loved standing in the rain! Something about water made me feel at peace. It was fluid and serene. Something I loved about the beach, just sitting on the rocks watching the water smash again them. Rolling in and out resiliently. If only it was that easy to come back after being nocked back over and over again. But it didn't stop the water from trying to push the rocks with their waves.

I didn't have the energy for much else after my shower as I found myself spread on my bed, wrapped in my towel. To be honest, I probably wouldn't be getting up, or moving from this spot all night, and I was glad. Exhaustion meant an easy nights sleep. It meant I wouldn't be up over thinking anything as I tossed and turned while I debated over everything that was going wrong in my life.

And true to my word, I woke up feeling refreshed. Thankfully I was actually busy at my practice. I explained to Trista what had happened briefly after Amy had called to leave a message to see how I was doing. Bless her socks. Trista was someone else I trusted with my personal life, who was able to help me if I happened to fall into a panic attack at work.

She was a beautiful woman with long black hair, and amber coloured eyes that mesmerised me in the sun, as they glowed different shades of red and oranges. She was about 10 yeas older than myself. Previously she worked in aged care, however she wanted a less taxing job physically, and also more freedom with her working hours. She worked a few nights at the library while trying to write a book herself. So as I explained earlier, Trista and I had come to a very compromising arrangement in regards to her work with me. Plus, thanks to modern society and technology, we had a great online system that we could both connect to via computers, phones and tablets wherever we were.

Work had kept me pretty busy all week – although I did throw myself into my work harder than usual. I was relieved that this was my off week to go into the hospital on Thursday. It would have been way too soon to see _him_ again. So I was thankful to have a full week of reprieve before I had to be in the same environment as someone else again. So I dove into the deep end of my work and let my mind wonder off that stressful topic. More determined than ever to pretend that he didn't exist.

As a result of digging myself into work and pretending someone didn't exist, I had a few nights of good quality sleep. I was also very thankful I had no plans over the weekend… and all I wanted to do was wallow in self-pity before I had to be in the same vicinity as a certain someone. And that was exactly what I done alllll weekend long from Friday evening to Sunday night. I wallowed.

Before you judge me, I'd like to explain why it is that I have been acting the way I have been. When Darien broke up with me, he literally shattered my whole being. He was at one point my everything. I gave him my everything! At the time I was a high schooler who thought she was special because a senior took interest in me. He was very popular and handsome, not to mention really smart. All the superficial boxes ticked to make my friends and other girls my age jealous.

We did have a very rocky start though. As I explained earlier, he teased me a lot, so when he did confess his feelings, I took it as a joke. He was playing the evil villain who was playing with a young girl's fragile feelings, trying to confuse her so he could destroy her gentle heart. However he was persistent, and with a lot of encourage from my best friends, slowly my perceptive of him changed from evil villain to something less sinister. I was of course always unsure of his true intents, and thus unsure of how I actually felt; rather _should_ be feeling. But once word got around we started dating, I revelled the fact I was dating Darien Chiba. THE Darien Chiba that made every girl's heart throb with longing and jealousy. I potentially could have confused true love with superiority of being at the centre of gossip. But I knew I had to feel overjoyed by him wanting to be with me – and it's not like I actually knew any better.

Let me paint the image of him for you. Think Greek god. Literally. Not only was he intellectually capable (remember super smart!), but he was also a very fine, and well-proportioned physical specimen. He played a few sports, which kept him in great shape. Being around 6'2" tall he played a lot of basketball more often than not. Due to playing a lot outdoors, he had an olive complexion, which never truly disappeared once he studied more during college and didn't spend half the amount of time outside like he used to. He did have the softest hair that was jet black. No matter if it was freshly washed, or slicked with oil and sweat, it shone like satin. But the most attractive and captivating part of him was his eyes. That midnight blue colour; like looking into the depth of the ocean, an endless sea that you could stare into forever. From his strong square cut jawline, to his toned arms and calves, he was perfection in every girl's eyes. And I for one could personally tell you he also had abs that would have even given Clarke Kent a run for his money.

Nevertheless, I was young and foolish. I allowed the superficial things to get to my head. I dated him for all the wrong reasons. The more people around me gushed about his looks and grades, the more proud I was of dating him, and possible even flaunted it a bit. I was so swept up in what other people thought of me, and my relationship, I failed to understand the meaning of what an actual relationship was. I failed to be an actual girlfriend. I was so intent on letting everyone around me tell me how I should be, how I should act and what was expected of me as a girlfriend, that I didn't even stop to think to question it. I didn't even consider Darien's thoughts and feelings. Not even my own! I blindly let other people's words influence my behaviour and relationship. To stop and think about repercussions and consequences was such a foreign entity.

I wanted to be a part of the gossip at school. I wanted to feel 'normal', to fit in, and not feel as an outcast. So if having a boyfriend meant forcing him to take me on dates, kiss and have sex… than that's what I done. I was blinded by my peers and media. I didn't realise that relationships were different for everyone. But at the time, I didn't know any better, and I assume my peers didn't either. I was so wrapped up in trying to belong, I never understood where my boyfriend was coming from when he wanted to communicate about our relationship, when he tried to explain his own feelings and wants for 'us'. Wasn't I already doing what everyone else was doing?

Before we broke up, he was becoming very distant and wasn't as attentive as usual. He'd complain every now and than about his studies being hard and feeling under a lot of pressure and stress. I had my own studies too! And yet we were both close to graduation. I was stoked… why wasn't he? So when it finally happened… I was trapped in a darkness of complete unknown. I couldn't understand anything. His actions, his words, his decision.

He said I had no idea about relationships, that I was a terrible girlfriend. I was always acting immature and thoughtless. Apparently I didn't have the ability to understand his wants and needs and how he wanted this relationship to work. I am rephrasing and summarising here, cause there was _a lot_ wrong with me, obviously… to him. I swore I was doing everything right though. It was he who had it all wrong! And once he had shared his thoughts and opinions he had of myself and our relationship, he walked out. Cutting all connections and communications with me. He didn't even stay long enough to hear me out. I understand now, that he had truly given up all hope he had of me changing for the better. I found out years later he went abroad, and attributed the quickness of the break up to that – not wanting anything to tie him here perhaps?

But when he left after his break up rant, I was so distort at first; lost in what to feel and how to cope with it all. I spiralled into the darkness and lost myself for a time there. Was I not smart enough? Was I not pretty enough? Was I not skinny enough? What was it that I had done? However at the same time I was angry, with everyone. Why had they not told me sooner! My 'friends' were quick to side with him and agree that it was my fault. BUT HOW? Why didn't they say something sooner? Is this the reality people faced in relationships? Why be in one in the first place! A lot of my thoughts were irrational, but I needed to put the blame of something.

The break up left me pretty devastated for a long time. So it was safe to say that my first year after high school was more of a self-explorative experience. I had no idea what I wanted to do, but my parents told me to find a job, so I worked part-time as a receptionist for a small accounting firm down the road from our house. But as I explained earlier, I'd done a lot of self-diagnosing for how I was feeling. Trying to find some sort of explanation. The more I read and learnt, the more I was interested. This led me to research about social behaviours. It was all very interesting, and eye opening! Because of this thirst for knowledge, I applied to college the following year to do a Bachelor of Social Science.

During my first semester of college, my family and friends wanted to do an intervention. I was secluding myself more and more, making excuses to ignore everyone; loosing weight like no tomorrow, the list goes on. As much as I was angry with all of my friends, I did grow up with them all… and deep down I'd never be able to stay mad at them forever. Still, this intervention was something they, along with my family, felt needed to happen. I was no longer the happy, smiling, carefree child my parents remembered. And I was no longer the happy go-lucky airhead my friends remembered.

Thankfully they had a success, and my parents forced me to talk to a psychologist. Eventually I found release with the psychologist – he explained things to me that helped me understand and piece things together in my mind. Some things I did not want to admit, even to myself. Even via my self diagnosis, I knew I had some issues, but I didn't want to admit them. That would mean they were real, and I had real issues. Yet, I opened up more and more. Soon I was clinically diagnosed with severe anxiety, depression and bulimia. I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty of it all… you know how to Google, just as well as I. But I found a safe place with him, where I was not judged. I think it was at this moment I realised how dependant I was on my psychologist, and wanted to share that with other people who were feeling as I was.

It was a long road to recovery… well I take that back, recovery to me would mean I had found a cure, and that was not the case at all. I had learnt to overcome some of my shortcoming. I found a new way to manage them, and try and be in control of my thinking. Not to let them control me. I have my good days and bad days, but I believe each year I have conquered more of my thoughts and feelings, it's another step towards the road of complete control, and maybe, just maybe, a cure?

In some of the steps I took to rid myself of my dampening issues, I took control of my love life again. I decided to try my hand at dating, _again_. It was a few years after, towards the end of my bachelors of Psychology – which I changed to after my first semester of Social Science. At the beginning I was known as the outcast, but as I came out of my shell more and more, my friends pointed to my attention the amount of guys who had started to look in my direction. I was scared at first, I'm not going to lie. The thought of dating freaked me out. But I took the step, and had learnt not to carry the advice of my friends so heavily… but I took the leap into the unknown and opened myself up to the new experience. I knew I would be left heart broken and feeling like shit again… but it was something I needed to do to improve myself.

What an experience it was. I grew up a lot through self exploration with my psychologist, and finally understood a lot of things first hand now. Just how demanding a relationship was with someone who wanted your time so frequently, while I needed the time to tend after myself and my own affairs of study and appointments. I felt as if I finally understood how Darien was feeling. I felt like I was Darien in this new relationship, and my boyfriend was playing the role of the old me. I was quick to end that relationship. It was terrible on my nerves. Way too stressful and demanding.

It also showed me how uneducated I was in regards to relationships. Especially being of my age at the time. I also liked the sexual side of the relationship. Not only was it the pleasure, but the confidence it gave me, both physically and mentally. Being wanted and desired. It was a feeling I chased by having a few one-night affairs and flings. It was exhilarating, to be honest. The more men I met with, and experienced, the more I learnt about men and their wants and needs. This further gave me insight about what they expected in general relationships with woman. I finally understood that all relationships were indeed not the same, and there were two people in every relationship, not just the one person who had to look after themselves. They spoke of compromises like it was foreign to me. I had so much to learnt, and took each man as a way to gain more experience. I wouldn't suggest this pathway for any other woman to take, but as I said, these unions gave me that self-confidence I required to feel better about myself. At first I worried about the name shaming, but thank goodness for the 21st century and women's empowerment! Of course it also wasn't something I shared idly with everyone either. A lady is of course allowed her own secrets.

Once I graduated college and worked for a few years, I tried my hand at dating again – not just flings and one-nighters. I figured working full time with a regular routine would make dating easier, and less stressful. And although my suspicions were right, my knowledge about men and relationships made me more aware of what kind of person I wanted to date. When I say this, I mean the non-superficial kind of things. Like if he was secure with a car, job or home. Ambitious with future plans and goals - someone who knew what they wanted and where they wanted to go. I also wanted someone who matched my sense of humour and personality. Someone I could trust to tell about myself and they wouldn't judge me. Someone I could truly call my best friend and share every aspect of my life with without hesitation. You know, the actual important things that make two people connect and fall in love with each other. I could, and can, say I finally knew what type of man I wanted, as well as what type of relationship I wanted.

Needless to say, I never did find Mr right. Maybe I was too aware of what I wanted? Not trying to admit I may be a bit picky. But as I mentioned, I had more broken hearts to mend. However they were not as severe as my first. I attributed this to the fact that I thought Darien and I would be forever, that it was true love. And as I entered more relationships, I was aware of the possibility that it might not be forever. I guess I was already expecting some break ups to happen, and others I just _knew_ he wasn't the one, so I end the relationship. I definitely didn't become more resilient about my relationships… cause after a handful more a guys, I gave up on love. Not that I don't dream about love, or would love to meet someone who could sweep me off my feet… I've just lost the faith that he is anywhere near me to find him. As everyone and anyone can tell you, love can be found in some of the least expected places, and to the most unsuspecting of people. I just hope I haven't lost too much faith and miss the opportunity when it presents itself.

But don't feel sorry for me! I have made peace with myself. And everyday I learn to love myself and look after myself more and more. There's no point forcing love with someone for the wrong reasons like loneliness and support. Nor forcing myself into relationships only to compare them to everyone else I had been with. To be honest though, I'm not lonely. I like to think of myself as a powerful woman who doesn't need a man. I'm self-sufficient. I have a good job and can support myself. My cooking is okay… I can at least fend for myself so I'm not starving. And I'm intelligent enough to not get myself into massive trouble either!

Sooo… I've lost my original train of thought… mhmm… oh right! Burying myself in work. Typical really. Especially when I didn't want to face reality. I'd go into zombie mode and close myself up. It was a terrible habit, and am probably way too rude to those around me, but it was a coping mechanism. Something I couldn't just stop doing. No one can break a habit over night.

Alas, time flew right by me and I was still holding onto the edge of my seat for dear life. I really don't know how. I felt as if I have been on autopilot for years. A few weeks had gone past and things seemed to go back into routine for me. I didn't have many bump in's with someone, but my ability to pretend he wasn't there was superb! But that didn't mean subconsciously I had fooled myself. Because I'd stare up at my bedroom ceiling trying not to cry almost very day I'd have to go into the hospital. I never used to dread it… I always looked forward to seeing Amy and having a girls chat. But someone really did damper the whole environment for me. Rationally I knew it unlikely to have to talk to him, or approach him, and the statistics of actually running into him were so small… but still… did I really want to risk it? Risk my jobs? Oh dear goodness. If life were a person I'd have castrated them with a blunt knife! But every morning I'd still get up and go into work like I didn't care.

Just like today. I wanted to stay in bed and cry… but I didn't. The term 'adulting' comes to mind. This fine Tuesday morning I opted for a larger, extra strength coffee by the time I got to the hospital coffee shop. Along with Amy's usual order since I couldn't see her around to meet me. It's funny… it was almost like déjà vu. I had run into him of all people as I was leaving the small shop. I refused to acknowledged him – remember he doesn't exist to me anymore. So I was perhaps rude not to say thanks for keeping the door open for me? Maybe it wasn't déjà vu. This did happen pretty regularly here at the coffee shop with him. But I don't care. I knew it was only pretences. If it hadn't have been at work he never would have been a gentleman to keep the door open.

I could feel my anger rising again. All because of him! As much as I wished to pretend he didn't exist, it was impossible. Somehow he was under my skin without even trying. I paused for a moment placing the coffees on a nearby seat and grabbed my pills out from my bag. These past few weeks, I had been going through my pills like crazy.

"Serena," I heard my name as I swallowed down the pills with my hot coffee. I glanced up from my bag to the direction of my name. It was Amy. She was waving as she ran the few short steps to me. "Running late again?" she laughed. "I didn't think you were coming with my coffee," she said as she grabbed for hers off the seat beside us.

Well, I wasn't late. Technically. Just later than usual. I used to come early so we could chat, but these days we didn't have much time in the mornings for our usual chats. Which probably left her confused as to whether or not she needed to get her own coffee herself. But I did have to laugh, "Yeah, you know it," I replied to her. And she did know why I was late these days. No way I needed to tell her either. I guess she figured I was trying to avoid someone, or dreaded coming here – hence the lateness.

She only smiled at me with that knowing gaze. "Oh that hits the spot!" she hummed after she took anther mouthful of coffee. I rose an eyebrow questioning. She was usually slow to drink coffee. "I was called in at 3am this morning for an emergency operation," she sighed. No wonder she was chugging that coffee.

"Damn! Want my double strength?" I really couldn't have done her job. I really didn't know how she functioned on such little sleep either! But she was such a hero in my eyes. So forfeiting precious coffee for a higher purpose was acceptable in this case.

"Oh no," she shook her head, "I've already had quiet a few coffees already," she laughed. She didn't believe in drinking too much caffeine since the body quickly get used to it, and before you know it, you're doubling the strength and quantity! "Luckily I can leave early and finally get some decent hours of sleep."

Her voice was meek and I could tell she was defeated and in major need of some good hours. Her posture was the first sign, than her eyes and facial expressions. "Want one of my sleeping pills?" I laughed. It was a joke, she never would. She was one of the biggest health freaks I knew.

"Are you still using them Serena?" she changed the subject, as well as the mood. She was serious now. Doctor Amy Mizuno was here in front of me now, not my friend.

"Not as much anymore, it's okay Ames," I replied quietly as I gave her an award-winning smile. "You know I've had some great positive successes lately." And I had been! I wasn't relying on my sleeping pills as much as I used to. But every now than when I was kept awake from stress and irrational thoughts, I'd pop a pill and knock myself out.

"I know, but I do worry about you Sere. We all do. You should really talk to the girls more often too. They are always asking me for updates on you." I swear I could see my mothers worry and frown on her face. That chastising look.

Argh… I'm sure I just shuddered too. Everyone worried too much about me. Sometimes it annoyed me. I know they all mean well, but one of the reasons I stopped talking to majority of the people in my life, is the fact they all tiptoe around me like I'm about to break. Especially the girls. Amy and I met our other friends in junior year of high school, and remained friends ever since. There were 5 of us in total. Each of us completely different than the next. But I think that's what makes our friendship work. The dynamic of each personality gave a dimension to the friendship that strengthened our bond.

"Yeah… I'll give them a call," I offered. I'm sure my tone was defeated, as well as dismissive because she didn't say anything else, although I could tell by her clenched jaw she wanted to add something. "Anyway, I better get to my office," I motioned towards our wing.

Amy smiled sweetly as we started to walk. "You should speak to some of the nurses when you have a chance," she brought up softly. Her gaze was low.

I gave her another raised brow, "Why? Did something happen?" Nurses knew everything. Everything! Biggest gossipers around! So clearly something saucy was going around if it even managed to peak Amy's interest.

Amy looked away from me, her voice was soft and careful, "I've just heard some tits and tats about you, that's all," she stopped walking and looked at me with concern, "I tried to steer the nurses in other directions… but a lot of the gossip are rumours about you and Darien," she looked away again as she bit her bottom lip. I don't think she meant to let that bit slide! I knew Amy would stand up for me, but this was a sensitive topic that she obviously didn't want to add fuel to. But must have been very concerned if it meant actually bringing it up to my attention. We both _don't_ actively try to get involved with the gossip.

Every now and then someone will either mention something casually, or I'll accidently eavesdrop a conversation and find some gossip out that way. But never actively participated in gossip.

"Any clue who started it?" I asked. What rumours? Him and I never interacted at work to cause any rumours! Unless Molly had decided to return back to work? She knew we dated, but she didn't know too much about our relationship. There was Melvin too. During school he knew we were acquainted. And obviously when Darien started he admitted to Melvin we had history. Also the fact that Molly might have let something slip to Melvin as well?

I could see it forming in my head. The speculations of why we might have broke up? If others noticed my avoidance, one would assume it was a bad break up… I could see all the possibilities going through my head now. Damn! I should have thought about this before acting so brashly and ignoring him on purpose. _What_ were the others thinking and assuming.

"Sorry, I couldn't find anything out." I could see her looking down as we started walking again. "I haven't had much time, and it's just been some small bits I've heard here and there."

"Eh, it's okay Ames. Nothing new really," and I wasn't wrong! For years I'd always had to put up with people talking behind my back and making up their own minds about me. This situation was no different. Well it was different. It's wasn't just about me and my behaviour this time. It was not about a certain someone else.

That will be my mission today! Hit up all the nurses and figure out what is being said!

Amy and I parted way at the elevator. And I marched to my office with a new sense of purpose for the day.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm not going to go into depth with day to day character interactions etc. I don't want to make this a long story with too many chapters. Just main bits and interactions I will focus on.


	4. Chapter 3

**My Favourite Broken Heart**

ATTENTION – TRIGGER WARNING: I am going to be touching upon some sensitive health situations as discussed in previous chapters. please be advised.

 **A/N:** I would like to explain Amy's behaviour in regards to the last chapter. Some have expressed their dislike to her behaviour, but I'd like you to consider her personality traits as someone who is shy and reserved, and doesn't like confrontations unless it's to stand up for someone she loves. While the later counts for Serena, as her friend, don't forget the bonds of friendship. Serena is going through something personal, which she hasn't broadcasted to everyone around her, so THE LAST thing she would want, is for Amy to go and explain how things are which meant sharing personal information about Serena. So how Amy acted, staying out of the gossip and not making things worst – both by causing some misunderstanding or letting slip personal stuff about Serena without her consent. People who gossip never have the full story, and misconstrue information. Also why Serena didn't go off at her friend not acting in a different manner.

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

"Molly," I yelled as I witness short red curls turn a corner. I picked up my pace, "Molly," I yelled again before I turned the corner. Gosh she better not be running away from me, or heads will be rolling! I was not in a good mood after talking to some of the nurses earlier this morning.

Yes I was pissed off. I had casually bumped into a few nurses, and I could tell by their glares and diverted eyes exactly what was on their minds! Clearly some had heard some negative gossip, hence the glares. Those who weren't sure where to advert their eyes from me were chosen to answer my questions, with some underlying pressure from me to answer honestly.

So far I had learnt that _someone_ was disgruntled at me because I never acknowledged him – what childish behaviour. Well, two people were disgruntled at me. Mr Chiba and Melvin. Apparently Melvin had told a few nurses that Mr Chiba and I 'went back'. Of course the ambiguity of it all got misconstrued. And with Mr Chiba confirming we knew each other, but I was now ignoring him… enter the negative gossip. Apparently we had a very messy break up and hate each other so much – but since I am the one ignoring, apparently it was my fault for the break up…? yeah, don't ask me how the hell THAT works in their pea sized brains. That's logic for you!

"Oh hey, Serena," the high-pitched screech of Molly's voice hit me first. ON instincts I wanted to cover my eyes, but of course I did not! Molly and I go way back, I'm sure I explained this, and I love her like a sister, but damn! Not only was her voice high pitched, but nasial as well. "How have you been girl? Oh, my goodness, I heard the most bazaar thing the other day Serena. All this gossip about your old relationship with Darien, can you believe! Of all things. Oh, I can't believe he's back in Tokyo. Have you spoken to each other yet? Oh, …"

"MOLLY!" I squealed as I grabbed her shoulders in a rush to get her to stop talking. The woman never took a breath or stopped chatting. Her train of though jumped so quickly from one topic to the next. "What are people saying about me?"

She looked at me a bit taken back, but preceded in her normal fashion, "Well, I heard from some of the nurses that you have been completely rude and cold since, 'you-know-who' came to town." I loved Molly's hand and facial expressions she gave while explaining gossip. "Of course though, it doesn't help that both Melvin and Darien have been telling people of your past 'history'. Very ambiguous, so a lot of gossip as to what that 'history' is," she gave me a wink. At least I know Molly hasn't told anyone we used to date than. "However, Darien has been complaining, a lot actually, how you have been ignoring him. Now, since a lot of the girls around have a little crush on Mr Handsome, of course they are siding with him and making negative stories about you honey. But don't you worry girl. I have been setting them right and telling them to mind their own B's and Q's when it comes to you… or whatever that saying is!" Now that's my friend.

"Thanks Mol," I gave her a smile. I knew she would never betray me in order to gain gossip status. Molly was someone everyone warmed up to and liked. Besides her voice, there wasn't anything not to like about her! She was silly in a sincere way, but that was part of her charm that made you felt invited to share your deepest and darkest secrets with her, and still feel safe and secure knowing she would never betray your trust.

"You know Serena, it wouldn't hurt if you know, waved the white flag around. Both you and Darien have matured and became different people since high school." I'm sure I just gave her a dirty look, "I mean, just at work you know. You don't have to be pals and chat, but just acknowledge him as a human. Might do you both some good, and put a stop to some of these rumours?" I was quiet as I listened to her. "Oh shoot," her buzzer was going off, "I need to do some med deliveries."

She did have a point. Which was the whole issue of why I was now the target for glares and baseless gossip. "I'll think about it Molly," I gave her a smile. "I gotta get going too," I gave a small waved and started to walked off with my thoughts.

"Catch ya later Serena," I heard in the background of my thoughts.

It was funny how even mature aged women could be so fickle and childish. Just like being back in high school. These women had a massive crush on the new guy, and without knowing anything, were happy to aim their fire on me. Probably in hopes he might acknowledge them and they could finally have an interaction with him. It really made me realise how age really can't determine how we act in social groups and social norms. How a bunch of single women around a single attractive male, all act the same no matter what. Just when you thought there was some hope in society and people maturing with age… workplace politics steps in and throws a whole new precedence at you about behaviour regardless of age. That's probably why this whole situation was grinding my gears worst than normal. The expectation of mature aged women to be that! Mature!

But I still didn't get any definite answers from Molly. Clearly the whole gossip around me was very ambiguous and illogical. So Perhaps I had to swallow my pride and go direct to the horses mouth? Maybe get him to talk about what he's telling people to give them the wrong negative ideas about me? Just the thought of having to approach him on my own was making me shake. This was definitely not going to be an easy feat by any measure!

How do you approach someone like him? I don't even really know what my issue was. My issue. I was the one with an issue. I have been the one avoiding him… and yet he was still able to make nods in the hallways, and leave the door open for me at the café… Logically, I don't know why I thought he was this monster in my head that was going to belittle me and make me cry? It probably doesn't help that every time I see him or think about him I automatically go back to that teenage girl who just had her heart ripped out. Maybe it was just a conditioned response and thought pattern I had somehow developed? If he meant me ill will, than he wouldn't have gone out of his way to be nice and behaviour like a gentleman? But it was the work setting, and people watching in the hallways and café?

I was getting really conflicted internally about approaching him. I had wasted nearly my whole day over thinking and over processing my thoughts and ideas about how to approach _him_. What would I say? How would I act? Do I be mean to make it clear that I'm in no mood to be played with? Or do I act polite and suck up to get him to spill? But than wouldn't that be demeaning and a complete 360 after my behaviour? I wanted to bang my head on the wall. Would I even have the courage to approach him? Probably not, let's be honest. I've been avoiding him because I am a coward who doesn't want to face the past, little lone face him. I was being very childish and immature I know. But I really couldn't help myself. I felt scared and nervous around him. Plus, I was sweating like a ball on fire. My insides were turning themselves out the more I thought about ways to approach him. I needed to suck it up and get it done. If I ever wanted to clear up this misunderstanding and create a healthy environment for me to work in, this needed to be done. I could go home and cry about it later.

But someone must have been hearing my pleas. I'm a firm believer that things happen on their own, and things happen for a reason. And I guess this must have needed to happen, cause while walking through the hallways, a certain someone appeared in my vision. Suddenly my thoughts on how to approach the situation changed to my appearance and the fact I was sweating enough to fill an entire olympic sized swimming pool. I don't even know why my thoughts changed and why I cared so much about how I suddenly looked. It's like I wanted to impress him at all. I just wanted to pretend he didn't exist and live my life as normal as possible.

Swallowing hard, I looked up and we suddenly we made eye contact. I was firm in myself, I would acknowledge him and suggest we talk somewhere private. But before I knew it he dismissed contact and strode right passed me. I don't even have to explain that I was at boiling point and ready to explode. How dare he! When people made contact it was a pretty classic sign that something needed to be said? Right? He was just being rude to me?

I stomped my foot and done a 180, striding in his direction. If it was possible, I'm sure steam would be coming out of my ears and fire breath from my growling mouth. I probably wasn't gentle, but I grabbed his arm and jerked him to face me. Poking my finger square in the middle of his chest I growled through gritted teeth, " . .!"

His expression was shock – sure weren't expecting me to take charge were ya buddy! But in a split moment, his face relaxed and was hard to read. Classic Darien. Showing his emotions was never really one of his strong suits. He cleared his throat in hopes I would remove my finger. Which I obliged, it was kind of hurting from the force I used. "Follow me to my office," was all he said as he turned and walked away.

I get it, best not to have this quarrel in the middle of the corridor for everyone to hear and see. So I followed. I used this time to try and calm myself down. I wanted to have an adult conversation, and that required me to be pleasant enough. He was standing with his office door open while I walked through the threshold. It was the same size and layout as my office. He had been there nearly a month now, and still hadn't really personalised his office. I heard the door close and turned around to see him staring at me with his arms crossed, and the classic scowl over his features. I couldn't help but notice how tight his coat was around his biceps. Oh lord, I can't believe I just looked at him like that! But then again, he was always a mighty fine specimen, and I could at least appreciate that, right? Not like I'd ever admit to him though!

Okay, I was a little more than extremely nervous! I was kind of hoping he would have started the conversation, but he was just standing there staring at me. So I guess that would have been too much to ask for right? I mustered up all my strength and swallowed hard, "I wanted to talk with you," I managed calmly as I turned around and made myself confortable in his room. Okay, I was freaking out and needed a distraction, so I was grabbing and looking at everything I could that was on his desk.

"What? You're not ignoring me anymore?" I could feel the sarcasm dripping off every syllable. The smoothness of his voice just made it that much cruel. It literally had a shiver going down my back! Or maybe the shiver was the fact I could feel him right behind me. He grabbed the papers I had just picked up from his desk with a little force and placed them back on his desk. Lucky I wasn't holding tight, or they would have ripped. Things probably would have gone pretty deep south if that happened.

But why was he not moving? Why was he so close to me? I took a deep breath and looked up to meet his cold blue eyes, "I don't know as to what you're referring," my eyes flicked to the light above his head as I took a calming breath, "But I have some serious issues I need to talk to you about!" My voice was matter-of-factly, and stern. Internally I felt everything was ready to collapse. But I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of thinking I was a weak person and his presence looming over me could break me!

A small smile played at his lips as he nodded his head and leaned against his office desk. How could he be so damn cool and collect? Something I had always admired about him… but right now it was irking me off like a ticking bomb! I was just about to say something when he cut me off, "Well, you are the psychologist here. I'm just a doctor. SO I don't know if I can help with those issues." I was just about ready to open my mouth in protest before he laughed and continued to speak, "It's a joke Serena. But I assume then, this has nothing to do with the fact you have been ignoring me than?"

God how I wanted to roll my eyes. Drama Queen. Heaven forbid a woman actually doesn't see how crazy fudging hot you are! Oh lord I didn't say that! I take it back! Arg! Just standing here so close and looking into those midnight eyes bought back so many memories. ABORT! Abort! I needed to take a step back and get some real space between us. Focus on the fact he just tried to joke with you! Now that was peaking my anger again. Blue eyes be gone!

What I really needed was to slap myself. This inner turmoil will have me placed in a psych ward soon! Not to mention the uncomfortable silence was sickening now! I could see his smiling features slowly turn into a scowl. Stop judging me you sly dog!

"The Gossip, Mr Chiba, The gossip!" I spat quickly. Short, sweet, and to the point! Crisis averted? Arg! This was not going as well as I imaged. But at least I managed to get away from his towering frame and started to snoop through files he had on his filing cabinet. Just keep breathing deep and don't make eye contact. Everything will be fine Serena.

From the corner of my eye I noticed the scowl was replaced by another smile as a short chuckled was released into the silence. With a nod, he spoke, "So, what gossip is it you are referring to? Cause I actually actively participate in it. So you might have to be a bit clearer and explain exactly what gossip," he replied as he grabbed the files from hands again, and happened to be right by my side _again._

It was kind of annoying. It's not like I was actually looking for information… oh goodness, he doesn't think I have an ulterior motive here? Pfft, no way! He still sees me as that inconsistent and unpredictable teenager. But suppose I should be clear that it's not information about his work or patients that I need. Just play it cool, and be confident. "Darien," I started as I grabbed the files back and casually chucked them back on his cabinet like they held no interest to me. Which left him utterly shocked. I wish I could have taken a photo of his shocked face. So I guess that counts as one score to me. Maybe it was my tone as well? I had lowered my voice a bit and tried to sound casual. Plus I don't think he ever expected me to call him by his first name, at least not so soon. "We're adults, and we should be acting civilised. So you win. We got off on the wrong foot, and I guess my behaviour has been a little… rude, for lack of a better word." I laughed. I wanted to break this tension between us and really get down to the issue, so I took Molly's advice and waved my white flag. I felt pathetic, but this was my workplace too, and I needed to sort out the issues around me.

While I took the opportunity to made some distance between us, he took the opportunity to speak, "Okay," it was slow and drawn out. His eyes were burning into me like I was joking about what I had just said. "So what does that have to do with gossip?" he looked genuinely confused. Typical guy being aloof to women and gossip. This hospital was practically run by the nurses and admin staff… it was a women's world here!

Satisfied I was at maximum distance away from his I continued, "There's some ambiguous notion of our… 'past' going around which has caused some negative assumptions about 'us'… mainly me," I took the chance to gaze in his direction. He was staring straight at me with full attention. It was kind of weird and unnerving, especially since his face was still void of anything. "I've heard a few nurses admit you have expressed some dissatisfaction about interactions with me, and it's all contributed to negative talk about us. So I just wanted to know exactly what you said, so I can try and clear up some misconceptions and misunderstandings. I have to work here, and I'd rather it be in a healthy environment." I couldn't quiet make eye contact, but my voice was clear and unwavering. I needed him to understand that this was serious, and above all it was for professional reasons.

"I see," I heard him say carefully. I slowly gazed up, and he was still staring directly as me. "I don't actually participate in gossip, but I have had some nurses ask me if I knew you, which I never denied. Just like I don't deny that I admitted I was a bit annoyed by your behaviour. I have an inkling why, but as you mentioned before, we're adults now." That diplomatic, monotone Darien voice wanted me to stab him. But at least he was taking it serious. Small feats Serena!

But he also admitted the truth. As someone who gossiped in high school, I would always believe the person I heard information from and take it as face value. So I guess I knew why the nurses took his side. Besides the fact they wanted to be on his good side in hopes there might ever be a chance. I just expected more from mature aged women I guess. And at least Dairen didn't deny anything and was forth coming with the truth. To be honest, I didn't know what to expect from him. I spent so long worried about what ifs and alternative scenarios that I never really gave it thought that he'd be so straightforward and honest.

"I'll see what I can do, so please don't look so worried and stress about the gossip, okay," I heard his voice break through my thoughts.

"Huh? What?" I looked up towards him. How did he manage to get so close again! Why on earth couldn't he get the message each time I would move away? Men really did work on different wavelengths from women.

"Serena…" he started, and for once he looked away from me. The relief I gained from his eyes not being on me was beyond words. It was clear he was struggling to find the words to say. Which was actually amusing for me to see the struggle on his face, as he was conflicted with himself. The Darien I knew was always composed and knew exactly what to say, all the time. So this was a very pleasant surprise. At least it was reassuring to see this, and know he was actually be serious, and genuine.

"I'll sort it out. Don't worry. It's not entirely your fault people assume things without knowing the full story," I started, but was cut off by Darien's odd behaviour. He had managed to grab my hand as he stood directly in front of me. It was awkward as fudge. At least to me. There was this moment of silence and I swear my heart was going to beat out of my chest. My mind was running rampant trying to figure out why and what he was doing… and maybe contemplating punching him for touching me without my consent. I know it was just my hand, and it was gentle… but it was still my personal space.

"I… Serena… I'm sorry," he managed to sprout out slowly. I really just wanted my hand back already, but he was slowly putting more pressure on his grip. "I didn't realise that things I said would cause issues, or become gossip. I guess I do not understand the politics around here yet. But I promise I will clear this misunderstanding up, I take full responsibility." His voice was low and sincere, and his eyes managed to find their way back onto me.

So… I was still feeling awkward as fudge. And I was totally confused by his 360 emotional declaration. I was starting to get really freaked out by being here alone in his office, especially with him still holding onto my hand and staring at me. I needed to get out. I was feeling so suffocated and my heart was still erratic. Perhaps it was all in my head? I had created this 'Darien' and play-by-play in my head, and it was clearly not what was happening right now!

-BEEP BEEP BEEP- -BEEP BEEP BEEP-

Saved by my alarm! Taking this moment while my alarm took Darien out of his train of thoughts, I yanked my hand from his and fetched my phone from my pocket. "Thanks for the offer, but I really need to go, work to do," I laughed as I quickly skirted around him and got to his office door. "See you around I guess," I offered before leaving and slamming the door behind me. I really don't think I could have left any faster. His face when I left was still frozen in my mind. It like was a child who had his favourite toy taken from him. The sadness that was in his eyes, as he wanted to say something. But he never got the chance because I left in such a hurry. And I'm glad he couldn't say any more.

I'm not entirely sure I wanted to hear what he wanted to say? The past was the past, and I wanted to leave it there. And I didn't want or need his help to deal with the gossip. I could sort that out. But a part of me did want to hear what he wanted to say. I guess I would always have this weak spot for him in my head and heart? But I couldn't afford to get hurt by whatever it was he wanted to say. As far as I know, he could be married and have children.

But the whole interaction we just has felt weird and awkward. Especially towards the end there. Confusing was putting it mildly. But I'm sure it's just because of the 'Darien' my mind had painted, and he turned out to be completely different than what I may have originally thought. But I think I might still try and avoid him… obviously if I can't I will acknowledge him… but I think after what just happened, it'd be for the best to avoid each other and limit our interactions.

And that's exactly what I done. A few weeks had passed since my conversation with Darien, and true to his words, he must have had a few chats with the staff around, because some of the nurses and admin staff actually apologised for their glares. It freaked me out the first time, but made sense when a few of them apologised for misunderstanding the relationship I had with Darien. Which made me wonder what he told them exactly, but I was out of the limelight, and I stopped having so much anxiety about coming to the hospital. Of course I still had some nerves, otherwise I wouldn't have been so proactive in avoiding a run in with someone.

But my routine went back to normal, and I started to show up to work early like I used to as well. It almost felt as if time went back before a certain someone came back to Tokyo, managing to work in the same environment as me. Although our interaction was short, it was enough to clear some of the tension and reservations I had. At least if I couldn't avoid him, I didn't need to be on my tiptoes and unsure how to act. We were civilised, and that was enough for me.

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 **A/N:** Sorry it took awhile to upload this chapter :3 I got a message from my library about over due books, so I have been reading like crazy. Which lead to some research... which lead to me to apply to do my Masters Degree... BUT I am back on board with this story and determined to finish it! Just a few more chapters.


	5. Chapter 4

**My Favourite Broken Heart**

ATTENTION – TRIGGER WARNINGS: I am going to be touching upon some sensitive health situations like depression and bulimia… so please do not read if this might be a trigger.

*I do not own SM either*

 **A/N:** I didn't want to drag in too many characters, but someone was asking if the other girls would make an appearance, so I added a little bit about them. Added some fibre to the story too (also made it a bit longer) =P  
Anyhow, onwards with the story.

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

So… you know when things are _too_ good? Like _too_ quiet. Nothing is happening. And there's that feeling like you just _know_ , somewhere deep down something is going to happen? Like the balance of the universe demands some sort of retribution for giving you some peace and quiet? Well that was exactly how I was feeling today. I just couldn't put my finger on it. What would it be? What was going to happen? What was going to explode? Was someone going to die? It was an easy feeling with all the disturbing thoughts going through my mind. Even trying to put use of all that positive psychology that I've learnt about to use, I was still feeling dread in the pit of my stomach.

I woke up with this dreaded feeling too many hours before my alarm was due to go off. And since then, I have been over thinking what this feeling could be. Maybe it was a day full of bad clients? Maybe an issue or incident will happen? It was a Wednesday, so hump day! It was supposed to be a good day. But that nagging feeling I had… I just couldn't shake it, and I felt like my thoughts were getting more tangent the more I thought about it. Some thoughts just sounded ridiculous even to my standards – and I have had some pretty whacked up thoughts!

When my alarm did finally go off, I sighed in defeat and got myself ready for work. I guess all I could do was tackle the issue as it appeared. And I'm trying not to pluralise it. Life has been actually really good these past few months since the whole issue and confrontation with Darien. It really felt like my life was back on track and everything was perfect – as close to perfect as it would be for someone like me anyway.

Mentioning that issue involving 'you-know-who'. I done the adult thing and said a quick thanks for talking to the nurses and admin staff. After the awkward day of staff apologising, I heard nothing more about the issue like it never happened in the first place. So I was very thankful for that… but I still questioned what he said and why he would go out of his way to clear the whole issue up for me? I spent a good month obsessing over it in my head. But sometimes you have to give up and literally force yourself to STOP thinking about certain things. Accept some things are outside of my control and let it be. Trust me, easier said than done… but I was over it. At least as best I could be.

In any case, I still tried to actively avoid him, more so after I thanked him. I don't know if he misunderstood my intentions, or because I waved the white flag once for the sake of sorting out the issue, but he was acting a lot more… how do I put this. Like he must have thought we were friends? He'd always smile my way and go out of his way more so than usual to be polite… it was kind of creepy. Especially because he still appeared like he wanted to say something to me. It caused awkward silences, and the fact he struggled to find the words, it make me scared. So mission aversion was a go! And being completely honest, I was in no way ready to hear anything he had to say. As far as I was concerned, everything was clear between us now. Yes we had a past history, but that was in the past, and now we just happened to work at the same place on a few days a month, and technically we were more just… like casual colleagues these days.

I hadn't even talked to anyone about how awkward it was between us, and still is. And I mean no one! I kept the interactions between Darien and me a secret to myself. Not like I was trying to hide anything… I just didn't want to even try to explain it to someone when I was already struggling to try and understand the whole situation to myself. BUT I did also take Amy's advice and reached out to my old friends. I needed to get my mind of my own issues.

It was actually pretty good to catch up with them and talk like old times. It bought back a lot of good memories from my childhood. As I said, we all met in primary school, so we had that friendship that was more of a sisterhood bond. Although they did judge and vocalised their opinions, it was always with good intentions, so it was hard to stay mad at them for too long when I felt like they had hurt my feelings. However since it had been a good few years since talking to them, there was also a lot to catch up on in their own lives. Sadly with all of our busy lives and two of them moving from Tokyo, I could only reach out via telephone conversations.

I first reached out to my friend Lita. She was the mother of the group, being the most domesticated of us all. Although she appeared as an amazon princess, tall, fierce and wild, she had the biggest, warmest heart. She was the best at home economics – sewing and cooking, and she always had your back no matter what! Last time we had spoken was actually at her wedding to Nephrite nearly two and a half years ago. He was a fancy investment brokerage in New York. At the time they had recently opened a new restaurant – which was Lita's dream. Apparently in these last few years, Lita had become a mother, and was pregnant with her second child. It sounded like things were really working out for them at the home front, and the business front with their business getting set to expand.

Next was Mina. When we were younger we were actually confused for twins. That was until high school when she started to develop wayyy before me and our facial features changed a lot. It was always her passion to be in the limelight, and straight after college she actually landed a couple of gigs. One of her most successful ones she landed was a permanent character on a daytime TV series that was hitting its 8th season – "The Presidents Secretary". It was a great drama, but very cheesy and typical storyline. Last time we spoke she managed to pick up a popular action movie role along side the famous Kunzite. Apparently after the movie wrapped up they started to date, and were now actually engaged. I was very happy for her, but it was surprising since she never expressed desires to settle down… especially when she was very promiscuous during college – the bad influence on me to be clear; if you remember me telling you about my one night adventures.

I was afraid to reach out to our last friend. We never actually got a long like I did the other girls, but deep down I new Raye would always have my back when I needed it. She was a sharp shooter, no beat around the bushes kind of girl, so when she expressed her opinions she rarely stopped to think about how the other person would feel. But I figured since I made the effort with the other girls, I can't leave Raye out. It was also at Lita's wedding when I last spoke to Raye. At that time she was engaged to Jadeite, who was a prominent real estate agent both commercial and residential. Growing up at her grandfather's temple she learnt the practise of being a priestess, along with mastering the arts of martial arts, archery and fire reading. So she decided to continue her grandfather's work when he passed. After speaking to her I learnt that her and Jadeite decided to elope overseas and were expecting their first child soon.

It was nice to know their lives hadn't changed too much. But it was a bit depressing to see them all pretty much progressing on to the next stages of their lives with wedding bells and children. Although we were all at that age, I suppose it hit a bit closer for me. My childhood was spent thinking I would meet Mr right first time round and I would be a married housewife looking after children already. Instead, I was a spinster with a career. Funny how our childhood dreams turn into our childhood horrors. I never actually contemplated a career growing up. When people would ask children what they wanted to be, I was always firm about being a housewife with lots of babies.

Another depressing thought. A spinster. Although it was my own fault really. It's not like I was actively seeking romance these past few years. The closest I got these days was encouraging Amy to finally agree to a date with Zoicite. In these past few months they have actually been on a few dates. I don't really understood why Amy was so against the idea of dating him in the first place, but they were hella cute together. But thinking about them made me more depressed. I was still happy for them all, but it didn't have to stop me from being jealous.

So why not just get back on the bandwagon Serena? Well, good question! I actually don't know why I have so much angst towards dating. I've already explained my wishes to hopefully find love one day, but the journey is potentially what halts me. I've tried my hands at a few relationships already, and they all had their pros and cons, but even those where you knew it was going to end because of irresolvable differences… it still hurt to break up. There was still that pain and sense of loss. On the flip side, there are flings, but been there and done that. I guess what I wanted was more than physical contact, but someone to trust and talk to, to share my difficulties and worries with.

Something I slowly learnt was what real relationships should actually be about. From my own experiences, friends, society and research, I had a pretty fair idea of what a loving and respecting relationship should be like. IF I had of met prince charming early on I probably would have had a marriage like my parents, where my mother followed my father's orders because he was the breadwinner looking after us all. But prince charming didn't happen for me, and I was woken from that numb dream of false ideologies. Which ultimately opened my eyes to what real relationships should be like. Two people working together as a team, sharing the ups and downs of each other's lives. That's what I wanted, someone to share life with, in every aspect. I didn't want to burden them with my depression and anxiety, but I wanted to feel safe, secure and loved. I don't think it was that hard to understand or want?

Knowing I had someone who was with me no matter what. Now I know what you're going to say, 'isn't that what family is for?' But I've actually been a pretty bad daughter. So I guess if I can't be a good daughter, how will I ever be a good girlfriend? And it's not through lack of trying either. Trust me.

My relationship with my parents was a fragile one these days. They still looked at me pitiful like I was when I first went through my dramas. Even when I graduated college and got my own place and practice, they still acted like I wasn't capable or ready. What made it worst, was they placed my younger brother on a pedestal and gave him all the encouragement NOT to be like me. Reminding him constantly not to end up like me, and were always reminding me how well Sammy turned out, and how I should be more resilient like him. To be honest, it was a little bitter there for a while. We got into a huge fight, and we haven't really talked since.

At least my brother grew a brain by college and actually apologised to me about everything. So at least I knew I always had my little brother for support. However I tried to keep my issues away from him. I think the conflict around our parents and me caused some issues for him as well, and after college he moved abroad. He was a practising lawyer, and last time we spoke he popped the question to his long-term girlfriend Mika. I haven't received a letter for their wedding yet, so I assume they are still agreeing on a date?

Anyway, back to me! I have this great habit of avoiding issues instead of dealing with them when it comes to my personal life. Especially when it involved people acting a certain way around me, or expecting less from me because of my issues. It made me really mad that they never really acknowledged my progress of getting better. Like the fact I fell into depression was this major issue that automatically made me defected for the rest of life. And that's how I feel my parents feel towards me as well.

My lack of family probably was a major factor in my desire for a partner. And my, well let's face it, jealously, of my friends getting their happy endings. Everyone seemed to have someone they could depend upon, through thick and thin. When things got bad for me, I really just wished I had someone who could hold me and stay with me during the whole process. You have no idea how much some sort of emotional support would have been a lifesaver sometimes. But I didn't want a boyfriend for that sole reason. Which might have been why I rejected dating as well. It's only natural to form some sort of bond to those who get closer to you, and I didn't want to confuse love with my ability to depend on someone for my own selfish reasons. It was a double-edged sword really, and left me in too much doubt and fear to really get out into the dating scene.

Fear and doubt were probably the two biggest things that held me back from doing a lot of things. I wished I had more courage to face a lot of the issues they caused, but I was confortable in this little bubble I had created.

I don't know how I got so far off topic… I'm stressed, and when I stress my thoughts scatter to keep me occupied with whatever is at hand to deal with. That's right, yes. That awful feeling in my stomach, and that nagging voice in the back of my head. I was on such high alert for the most part of the morning.

Still, things were running smoothly and uneventful. Come lunchtime I thought my favourite sandwich bar would burn down! Or be out of my favourite, and regular order. But alas, the owner had my usual order along with Trista's waiting there for someone to collect. I even thought on my way to work Trista might not be coming in, or she wanted to quit! But not even that! It really had me bugging what this feeling was.

My entire afternoon went along without a hitch. No unusual clients. No one rushing in or making an emergency session. It was quiet odd. My day was running along smoothly, and it appeared I was the only one with the issue. Even getting home I though perhaps the public transport had a delay or broken down… but they were running right on time – and THAT was weird in itself really. They NEVER run on schedule. By the time I got home I gave up waiting for something to happen. It was just me in this apartment, and since it was a new building only a few years old, nothing should be breaking down either.

It was almost 9 o'clock at night when I was about to have a shower before bed, and that was when my phone rung. Cue the ominous music, because late night calls rarely happened… and only happened when something happened. As soon as I heard the tone I suddenly had a lump in my throat. This was it. It had to be! And right before I wanted to end the night and get ready for bed. Timing!

I was frozen in my hallway staring back at the coffee table where I had left my phone. Taking a few deep breaths I pondered if I should answer. It was just a phone call… THAT I could avoid. I could pretend I am already asleep and deal with it tomorrow. I decided to let it ring out. If it was an actual emergency it could call again. And like clock work, it run again. I paced over to my phone to read the caller ID. It was my mother?

I'm pretty sure I just shuddered. I hadn't spoken to them for a few years now, and today of all days that I think about them, I get a phone call. Coincidence? I have no idea. It was really freaking me out. But I was unsure if I wanted to talk to her, especially so late at night. I had no idea what it would be about. Last time I checked both my parents were healthy? Probably just her trying to reach out. It happened a few months after I stopped talking to them. But her reaching out was asking me to apologise to them for their behaviour that made me feel like crap? Apparently I was not being sensitive to their feelings… go figure.

It didn't ring a second time, and it felt like I had been watching the phone to buzz again for hours. But nothing was happening. I didn't know how to feel. So I decided I'd take my shower and deal with it after. Chances are she would send a message, or try call again in an hour – if it was urgent. Otherwise if I heard nothing by 10pm, I'm going to sleep!

I know, I sound like a horrible person just ignoring my mother, but I just couldn't deal with it right now. It's such a long story, but my parents weren't exactly understanding about me during the time I needed them to, and the fact they had double standards of wanting me to apologise for hurting their feelings while they constantly hurt mine and made me feel like shit because of something I had no control over. Trust me, if I could have avoided having such severe anxiety, and stopped things from leading into depression, I would have! The bulimia was the icing on the cake for them, and what made them snap. They honestly couldn't understand and thought it was a simple mind trick to make me completely stop and start acting like a 'normal' person. It makes me so angry just thinking about it. Which leads me back to partially why I have avoided my mothers call.

Anyways, a shower would help me calm down. So that was first on my agenda for now. And like always, I could rely on the beads of water to sooth me. Between the noise and feelings, I swear I could have been transported somewhere else. Times like this I am very thankful that we have no water restrictions. I know I should be more conscious about how much water I waste, but I needed this. Nothing could replace this feeling. Unless of course I found a natural waterfall and stood under that… but I don't have time to explore and hike… or the ability to take off to discover one at the moment.

I almost forgot about my phone for a moment afterwards. But since it was my holy grail of alarms… my mind reminded me I needed to set one for tomorrow. Which also reminded me of the 'missed' called I happened to receive. And just like I predicted, there was an unread message from my mother.

Just as I unlocked my phone to read it, I received another phone call. This time it was from Amy. That wave of dread washed over me as another lump appeared in my throat. It kind of connected the dots for me. Maybe something happened to my parents? So I accepted the call.

"Hey Amy," I tried to sound as casual as possible, "odd for you to call so late?" I added, trying to sound aloof. I added a little light hearted laugh to shake of my nerves.

I could hear her breathing on the other side. She never usually breaths this heavy, "Hey Sere, umm… I don't know how to break it to you… but your father just came in through the emergency ward awhile ago and your mother wanted me to give you a call."

I was literally hitting my head against the closest wall I could find. I should have just ignored her too. "Thanks Amy." It was all I could say at the moment. That dreaded feeling explained itself now. The 'out of the blue' call from my mother. Damn it! Why can't things just be good without the need for something negative to happen? But I guess that's just the things are sometimes. And it was way outside of my control. BUT I could control hanging up and ignoring people. It was a terrible thought to have, I know. But it wouldn't change anything. And unfortunately he was taken to the hospital I had to work at. So there was a very slim chance of being ignorant and pretending this was not happening.

"Serena," I heard Amy's voice over and over, getting more concerned each time I would not answer her.

"Yeah, I'm still here. Just processing."

"You know I wouldn't have called you unless I had no choice. And as a family friend I couldn't just be rude to your parents. But your father was asking for you. And after your mother couldn't reach you she asked me to try."

"So why is he there? What happened?"

"He had a heart attack. Apparently it isn't his first."

Well, I guess he was at that age of being at risk. Not to mention the stress he always complained about at work. But why would he ask for me? It's not like heart attacks meant imminent death. Yes they can be deadly and life threatening… but if this was not his first, why ask for me now? Perhaps it was more life threatening than I wanted to believe? I looked at the clock. Visiting hours were way over. But he was in emergency, and they made exceptions for family. Plus I worked there, and I assumed Amy was the attending doctor, and she would let me in. I sighed heavily into my next words, "Suppose I have to get down there tonight?"

There was a pause from Amy, "I would assume yes. I've taken some tests and just waiting for results now."

"Okay, I'll be right there," I replied before hanging up. This was not how I imaged my evening. After a whole day of worrying and being on high alert, I just wanted to knock a pill back and wake to a shiny new day.

It was dead quite by the time I got to the hospital. I decided to use my car to get there faster. Hoping I could leave sooner. Maybe I should not have used the word dead. I was over thinking again. Clearly I was nervous. The whole situation got me high strung. Between having to see my parents, and my father wanting to see me? I had no clue what to expect. So hence, I over thought about allllll the possibilities and scenarios that might and could happen.

I knew it was too late to turn back when I was already in the hallway walking towards the reception area. And like on cue, I got the acknowledged head nod and smile as the girl behind the counter pushed the button to let me through to the emergency rooms. Guess Amy must have advised everyone. Couldn't she have spared me the extra time of trying to talk them into letting me in? Oh wells, I was already walking through and could hear Amy's voice.

"Due to the time and available night shift technicians, and the fact your husbands heart attack poses no significant harm, the results won't come back until the morning," Amy was saying in her doctor voice. When I rounded the corner I could see her standing next to my mother just outside a doorway that had "Tsukino, K." already labelled on the door plaque. No one could miss my mother's long curly grey hair, and her favourite yellow dress. Maybe they were going out before my father had his heart attack?

Anyway, remember when I said Amy had some pull? Well the fact she took this matter personally even though I'm pretty sure her shift should have ended a few hours ago, the staff around the hospital must have assumed my father was someone important to her, and thus staff were quick to get all the patient information up. Which also made me assume… well confirmed my assumption, of having him kept overnight... maybe a few nights? I still didn't understand why I was here either.

"Serena," I heard my name come from my mother's mouth. She looked awkward and unsure. But after a moment of silence, and me just staring at her, she moved towards me and gave me a hug. "How have you been?" she whispered as she pulled back from me. That motherly thing of grabbing my hands and assessing me.

Did she have a right to act all motherly after everything? I really wanted to vomit. I don't think I could forgive my parents. Especially under the circumstances like these. Way to abuse the emotions of having my father in hospital. Guess I wasn't as heartless as I thought.

"Heeeey mum," I drew out. Maybe I was being too obvious? I could see the disappointment on her face. What was she hoping for? To use this moment to pretend like things never happened? Or that I would come apologising and rushing to daddy's side? Oh boy. Maybe this was going to be a long night? But hey, at least I wasn't feeling my stomach knot like it was earlier today!

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 **A/N:** Hope you enjoyed ~ I really wanted to show every aspect of Serena's life to get a full 360 of her character and hopefully you all understand a little bit about the way she thinks/acts.  
Those excited for some S/D interactions, next chapter I promise!


	6. Chapter 5

**My Favourite Broken Heart**

ATTENTION – TRIGGER WARNING. mainly earlier chapters... but still, emotional subjects ahead!

*Alas, I do not own SM ether...*

 **A/N:** Thanks for waiting patiently! And thanks so much to everyone who has followed me thus far! Words cannot describe how happy I am that someone is reading my story and liking it. So thank you to everyone! Seriously! Now onwards, the show must go on!

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 **Chapter 5**

Thankfully, my original thoughts of that night being long were completely wrong! Yay for me! But it still felt like forever! But I was there for less than an hour. It turned out my father was asleep and my mother wanted to go home and clean up. It was what she done best after all. And yes, I'm being sarcastic there.

I thanked Amy for staying back and being there for me. It turned out she was actually leaving when she heard my fathers name float around the emergency ward and had to confirm. So glad to have a good friend like her. Guess growing up together she seen my parents as family as well.

There were some awkward goodbyes. I could tell my mum wanted to say more, even tried to give me another hug. But she decided to stop herself and forced herself back to my father's room. She was planning on staying the night, which Amy okayed with the nurses. Great to have friends on the inside isn't it?

Sadly I had to come back to the hospital the next day, my fortnightly Thursday. To say the least, I was feeling more nervous than usual. Not only was it another day of avoiding 'you-know-who'… but the idea I'll have to see my mum again, and talk to my father. I was processing all the reasons why he might have wanted to talk to me. But I figured since it wasn't a life ending illness that had him in hospital, it was probably just his excuse to try and make contact.

I got a call from Amy the next morning. She explained that Darien and Melvin gave her the day off. I felt like there was something more she wanted to add, but she kept it short and sweet.

My morning was pretty regular. Because Thursdays were usually my days to book overflow, I could look forward to a half day. It rarely got too busy enough to create a full day of work for me. My plan _was_ to do all my paperwork and that… however when I got back to my office, 'you-know-who' was standing by the door with two coffees in hand. Bet you could tell how lucky I was feeling? Again, sarcasm.

"Dr Chiba," I smiled as I walked to my office door down the small hallway. "For what do I owe this small pleasure of seeing you here?" I gave a little laugh to play off my nerves. I was definitely not expecting to see him there. It was very bizarre. I could feel a wave of heat wash over me. My palms were already sweating like crazy. I noticed my strides got a bit slower and harder to make towards my office door. Oh lord!

"Hey," he looked like a schoolboy with his awkward stance and unsure gaze. "Uh, I just wanted to have a chat," he spoke really fast as he asserted himself off the wall, "I brought coffee," he laughed thrusting the extra cardboard cup towards my direction.

So I guess there was definitely no way to avoid this chat. I wanted to run and scream. Why couldn't someone start a fire or cause a mass alarm? Was this the talk he has been trying so hard to have with me? I guess cornering me so I had no excuse was one way to ensure I couldn't avoid him. Damn it! Guess he really thought about it.

"Coffee," I tried to sound super excited, "thanks," I smiled while grabbing the offered cup that was awkwardly thrust before me. I tried to act cool, but in reality I was probably really rude. I turned my back to him while I unlocked my door with a quick finger scan and throwing my door open. In my nervousness I rushed to my desk and dropped my iPad and phone on my desk and took a quick seat. My legs were going to give out, so my priorities were to be comfortable and don't show how much he affected me… still.

I may have forgotten the situation for a moment in all my nervousness. As soon as I sat down, my head hit the desk and stayed down. It wasn't until I heard someone clear their throat that all thoughts cleared and I stared up with a startled look. How could I forget, even just for a moment? Maybes that's how bad I didn't want to be in this situation?

"Sorry," he put his spare hand up, "must have been a long morning huh?" he said slowly with thought as he stepped into my office and closed the door behind him. Was he waiting all that time for me to invite him in? Oops? Hahaha.

I tried to settle myself and think of an excuse, "More like long night," I offered. I watched for a moment in hopes he would continue, but he was doing what I was doing in his office, snooping! "Sooo," I started. This drew his attention towards me. "I assume you wanted to talk about something?" I tried to act casual. I grabbed the coffee and took a sip. Mhmm, caramel latte… sweet. So he remembered I liked sweet things. I don't know if that was reassuring or if I should worry.

"Well, there is. But since you mentioned long night, I heard about your father, and I'm sorry."

I had to look at him, "sorry for what? It's not like he's dying, anyway."

He opened him mouth to speak but stopped for a short moment, "You haven't seen your parents yet than?"

"Should I have?"

"Umm… Amy did mention that things weren't 100% with you and your parents…" he paused again, but he looked like he was deep in thought, "but…" he looked like he was choosing the words to say, "I actually wanted to talk about something else…" He looked at me for brief moment before looking elsewhere, "I guess Amy may not have mentioned, but Melvin and I took Amy off your father's chart."

"Why would you do that? She's a family friend? We grew up together. My mother would be delighted to know my father is getting the best care possible." I don't know why I was getting offensive… but than again it was a little weird? Was he trying to get closer to my family? Why? Did he turn axe-murderer? Should I be filing a complaint… should I get a restraining order?

"Serena?" I looked up and was taken back by a hand being placed on my arm, "Are you alright?" he was looking at me with concern, a little too close to me. How did he get over to me behind my desk so quickly?

"Yeah," I nervously stuttered as I pushed my chair back a bit. Very smooth. If I wanted him to know I didn't want him around me before, I'm sure he just got the memo. And I'm positive he did cause he moved back quickly with a short sorry. "So why can't Amy look after my father? And isn't he going home today anyway?"

He gave me a firm look for a second, "We thought considering she's done a few, well a lot of overtime, we deserved a short break. Plus your fathers results this morning came back not so positive. We done a couple more and your father needs surgery, asap if possible. Both Melvin and I thought it best if I took over this case." My lack of response and thoughtful gaze must have prompted him to continue, "I've already spoken to your parents about the issue, if you want I can fill you in?"

"No, no, it's fine. They can tell me later," I swept my hand past me like the information wouldn't matter to me. And technically it didn't. I felt numb about my parents. I never understood why people who are sick take the opportunity to reach out to those they haven't spoken to for awhile. It still confused me why he would take it… Amy was the best around here. Well I suppose before he came here. I tried to shake my head free of all those thoughts.

"Anyway, I've ran out of time to say what I really wanted, but can we arrange a time to talk again?" remember that schoolboy aura from earlier? Well that face and uneasy body actions told me he was anxious about my response and whatever it was he wanted to talk about.

But I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't. "Listen Darien," even his name felt a bit odd on my tongue, "umm… I don't know. I just don't know," I said while chewing on my bottom lip. "Under current circumstances I've kept it professional… but this is really awkward… like awkward as fudge for me," I laughed. I don't know why I was getting all honest here, but I thought I at least owed it to him.

I could see this wasn't unknown to him. So I assumed he either felt the same way, or expected I would feel uneasy about it all anyway. "It's okay… But, I really feel like I need to tell you something Serena."

"Can't you just tell me now quickly? Drop it like a bomb and leave before I have time to process it?" I laughed. Get it over and done with while I can't escape! I'll pretend to listen and then we can continue on with out lives like nothing has changed.

"This can't be rushed Serena," his voice was firm and his eyes were burning on me. That look was telling me not to joke. Maybe he also remembered how I deflected a lot… Was it weird that a guy who made it adamant that you were a total failure and had no expectation of you in the future, still remembered little things about me. Creepy? A little.

"Umm, Darien," I tried to talk. I had no idea what I wanted to say. But I hated the awkwardness about this whole situation. His whole body was slumped and looked defeated as his gaze fell to the floor.

But as luck would be on my side, there was a knock on my door. Thank you dear lord, I said to myself as I look up. It seemed like I had a lot of luck on my side lately. Maybe the universe was against us having this conversation as well! Yay for me! At least I felt positive about something now.

Darien looked a bit startled. He was glancing between me and the door. With my new found confidence – due to 'saved by the bell'. I casually lifted one perfect eyebrow. What was he expecting? I managed to drag myself up from my chair and slide over to my door. I froze. And I lost some of my confidence. I also happened to feel someone come up behind me, sending a shiver down my spine.

"Serena, I… Umm... The nurses directed me to your office, I hope that was okay?" it my mother. She offered a smile at least. I was in this awkward sandwich and I really wished I could just disappear. As my mother tried to push forward she done a double look in shock, "Oh, I'm so sorry," she said quickly before taking a step back again. That was when Darien happened to take a step aside.

"Mrs Tsukino," he nodded.

"Dr Chiba, I didn't realise you were in there. Serena, I didn't interrupt did I? I can come back," she offered. She was talking quiet fast. She was clearly distressed. HA! That's what you get for trying to corner me as well. I know, I'm bad!

"Not at all, I was actually leaving Mrs Tsukino," Darien cut in while trying to skirt around me through the doorway. "I'll catch you around Dr Tsukino," he said with a quick wave and was out of my sight like tomorrow could not come soon enough for him.

I don't know what it was that got him so nervous. But whatever. That was one of them out of my hair now! Small feats. And I didn't even have to do anything. What I did have left was my mother staring at me. I'm assuming by the fact that she didn't blink an eye at Dr Chiba, and haven't asked why we were alone private, that she hasn't put 1 and 1 together yet. My parents knew of me dating someone named Darien Chiba… BUT they never met him. So either they didn't realise how uncommon Chiba was, or conveniently forgot about that small fact, which ultimately made their daughter defected for the rest of her life!

"What did you want mum?" I asked a bit coldly. All I wanted to do was sit in my quiet office alone. But somehow Darien and my mother had other plans. I was still technically working!

She looked a bit taken back and unsure still. Technically as my mother she could yell at me and chastise me. I was rude, and still her daughter. But I guess these past few years really took the toll on her. Not to mention my brother leaving the family and going abroad left both my parents alone, childless. Clearly the yelling and trying to force me to live my life how they wanted me to didn't work out so well the first time, so maybe this time she thought giving me space might make things differently.

"I just wanted to talk to you about your father? I didn't know if you were coming back. But one of the nurses mentioned you worked here. So I thought I'd come by and speak to you privately before you had words with your father."

It was a tedious conversation and I decided to let my mother into my office. I motioned to the couch inside as I went to my desk. It was small talk at first, but I could see her itching to get into it. I started it off with asking what was wrong with my father having Dr Chiba explain he needed surgery asap.

Turned out my father developed a thoracic aortic aneurysm. Basically an aneurysm is a saclike bulging that can develop on the wall of a blood vessel, like a ballooning. This bulging commonly occurs on the aorta due to weakening of the arterial wall. An aortic aneurysm usually presents primarily in the thorax. Many times there is a history of high blood pressure. When they are left undetected and untreated they can be fetal due to dissection or popping of the aneurysm leading to nearly instant death.

Growing up he was always complaining about the stressors he was under. Around 40 he developed high blood pressure. But also coming from that generation, it still wasn't enough to force him to get healthy by getting active or diet with cutting fats and oils and cholesterols. So it wasn't really that surprising that he developed an aneurysm. But he was very lucky. Apparently he had an attack before but thought it was not serious enough to seek medical attention. The next one he went to the doctors who done physical checks. But this one was really severe and an ambulance was called. Which landed him here, and thankfully Amy being very diligent done as many tests as possible. And low and behold, they found the aneurysm.

Due to the time lapse and severity it posed, surgery was the option. Really, the only option to ensure it never 'popped' and caused instant death. Sounded bizarre talking about death. It really made me adore Amy even more. Death would be a daily conversation she'd have to people, families, partners, children… and she was still able to focus and continue with her job like it was nothing. Not that it wasn't anything, but I'd have been an emotional wreck! I wouldn't have been able to continue my work. But she managed, like a true saint. I really had to take my hat off to her and commend her on her superb ability.

Anyway, my mother explained that my father wanted to talk to me before he agreed to surgery. She also wanted to apologise. She apologised for being born in a generation that was closed mind compared to my generation. She was brought up in a world were a woman went to school to find a husband. Someone who could look after her and the children she would have for him. Key words being for him. Which meant he had the right to control every aspect, and her closing her mouth and opinions. Because women didn't have opinions back than.

It was also a generation that didn't deal with issues like anxiety and depression. Their parents having been through a depression, they struggled and made ends meet without so much of a complaining word. That was life. Apparently when Sammy left home it left my parents to question a few things. Sammy had told them how he felt about everything, and even tried to explain what I was going through. It must have hit something, because my mother admitted to seeking help at the doctors and talk to someone. That caused a rift in their marriage, and they found themselves seeing a marriage counsellor and started to talk openly about the issues, and gradually came to the 21st century.

At least they were smart enough to notice their failings and start making progress to become better people. So I guess a little of my hurt went away for my parents. I still couldn't 100% forgive them, but I guess it was a start. Like all things, admitting you have an issue and wanting to seek help is always the first step in changing things.

The duration of our chat made me give up any idea or notion of completing my work and paperwork. It was not the best of time to be having such a conversation, but I guess if I ever really wanted to have any sort of relation with my parents, something had to have give. But that was life. We never really got what we wanted, and things always happened at some of the most inopportune times.

In any case, I packed up and decided while I was having this heart to heart with my mother, I mise well see what my father wanted too. It was awkward walking in because he just stared at me and started to break down and cry. After my mother soothing him a bit he started. First he had to explain his reasons, much like my mother, being of that generation. But also his own personal downfalls of being stubborn and headstrong, and set in his ways unable to be swayed to change. Guess I found out where I got those traits from?

Eventually he got around to apologing. He apologised for everything basically. And admitted he was a major factor in my depression and reason behind leaving the family home and staying away from my family. What surprised me the most though was his apology for not trying to understand who I was, and what I was going through.

It was like a major weight was taken off my shoulders. It was an odd feeling. That's all I ever wanted my parents to do, apologise, and admit they were not helpful while I was going through a very difficult place. I never thought in my wildest dreams that they would ever apologise and admit their shortcomings. Admit they failed me. But there it was. Disappointing it took them a hospital trip and near possible death to actually find me and tell me! But I guess better late than never right? These things were always about timing… damn Hollywood stereotypes!

But at least I left my father's hospital room knowing he finally agreed to the surgery, which Darien agreed to do ASAP when his schedule showed a gap to do it. AND I also felt a little better about my parents. Like I said, not ready to 100% forgive them… but it was a good first step to rebuilding some sort of relationship with them again. Small steps.

"Serena!" I heard my name down the corridor stopping me from my thoughts. Turning around I watched my mother shuffle towards me waving her hand towards me ushering me to stop. "Serena, dear…" she huffed as she got to me. I just stood and stared at her. I legit was not expecting her, or knew what she wanted… so… yeah…

"I… I thought because your father. He's going to be in hospital for a few days. Umm… maybe you'd like to come home and stay with me?"

"Err…" I really never gave it much thought about going home. There was nothing there for me. Just old memories and haunts.

Maybe my mum picked up on the issues I had regarding this little… idea. She proposed a solution. "I haven't touched your kids rooms… maybe you wanted to take a moment to go through everything?"

This gave me something to contemplate. I didn't really leave home with anything really. I just wanted to get out of there. So for a good ten plus years I've forgotten what my childhood room was like. The things I once beloved. Guess it wouldn't have hurt to go back to some of those memories… And I think my mother just didn't want to be alone in that big house. She always had my father to watch and protect her, and this was probably her first real time alone without having someone to cook and clean for.

With a sigh I gave her my answer, "I suppose I could spend a night or two. Go through my old room."

A slow smile spread my mothers across her lips, "thank you darling," she said rather emotional as she placed a hand over my forearm. Reassuring herself I suppose.

The later of the day passed quickly, but I still found myself struggling to pack my things up and leave. There was no pressure from my mother to go over there tonight… but at least if I went over as soon as possible, stayed a couple nights, get it over and done with. And struggle was probably an understatement.

By the time I got home I packed a quick overnight bag and found myself in my car heading towards a district I hadn't visited in a very long time. Things had certainty changed a lot. New development and community living spaces had popped up where fields of parkland and old housing used to be. Already memories were coming back. I was starting to feel nervous and scared. Some memories I did not want to really stir up… but I guess that came with the territory when willingly stepping back into your past.

Admitting, I had to take a few moments to myself in the car before heading to the front door. I also knocked back a couple of my tablets. It was late, but my anxiety would see to my not sleeping anytime soon.

Getting inside was easy; my mother thought I wasn't going to show up tonight, so she was a little surprised I did actually come over. She offered me something to eat or drink, but food hadn't been on my mind for a while now. Too many nerves and thoughts preoccupied my hunger. Due to the lateness, she was on her way to bed, but advised she had laid some blankets on the couch for me. I however went straight up to my old room.

Opening the door took a lot of nerves. I didn't know what to expect. I honestly forgot what it looked like. I had faint memories… but I couldn't tell you exactly. I opened the door slowly and soaked it all in. It was clear my mother didn't go inside often. The air was stale and dust was thick, even from this viewpoint.

My eyes laid on my bed first. The one bright pink spread was now faded and dull. My bookshelves held my old manga series in perfect condition. The duchess laid bare my old jewellery dish, perfume bottles and brush. I had an urge to touch these things, to let my mind wonder to the past, my childhood. But I controlled myself. I knew it'd be a rabbit hole of memories, as well as immanent hay fever and sneezing to unsettle the dust. Taking a few steps around and letting my eyes wonder on everything, I soaked in the idea of what could have been. Was my childhood innocent? Yes, to a degree. However I had to grow up fast in the most precious years when I was at that blossoming age of finding myself. I was caged and leashed, and when I did spread my wings, I was limited to my own capabilities.

I couldn't stay on those negative thoughts. Rabbit hole. Been there, got lost once, and I did not want to go back to those dark places and feelings. So I fixed my eyes on what I could go through. Besides my drawers, I did have a walk in closet. Swinging the doors open, I braced myself for more dust and stale air.

Everything was perfectly in place. Luckily there was not as much dust in here as my bedroom, but everything looked duller. Like the life was sucked out of the colours that once were. Again, that urge to feel across my clothes and pull them apart was there. Funny how my fashion taste had changed all these years later. No way I'd be able to fit into any of this stuff again… maybe my shoes? They stayed the same size. But considering how old everything was, I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to risk it. I noticed a red container at the top of one of the shelves. Funny how we stored the things that were most precious to us high up away from sight.

It was probably the one thing I should have complete control over and not grab, but it was too late. I was already on my toes and my hands were firmly by the sides. Of all the things I could have touched and went through in this room, it just had to be this awful box.

I promise there is no dirty secrets or human remains in there. But it was definitely my once precious items that I held dear. It held everything that I ever held close to my heart. I couldn't tell you what was in a few of the other boxes, or even the clothes folded in my drawers… but this… I'm sure we all have that one box of memories we could never forget. No matter what.

I plopped myself on the ground crossing my legs and placed the box in front of me. Force of nervous habit, I was chewing on my bottom lip. I knew I should just get up and leave, but the force of it being right there in front of me was too strong. I needed to have a look at it. I knew it would bring pain to me… but every hurt also went hand in hand with moments of happiness and pure bliss.

Taking a deep breath to brace myself, I pulled the lid off and placed it next to me. I just stared at the content. I may have forgotten what exactly was in here, specifically… But I knew of the contents. What they once meant to me. I was already feeling that swell of emotions stir up inside me as I stared. I couldn't control my emotions. My chest was feeling heavy and I wanted to cry. Blinking them back, a single tear betrayed my will and slid down my cheek.

With a quick wipe in defeat, I started to pull items from the box. Each item holding a very special place within my heart. At the top laid items from my last boyfriend before I moved out of home. College years… remember how I was a bit of a floozy? Well, each experience taught me something, and so a memorability of our time was saved in this box. Like layer of layer of each encounter and stupid decision I made during my life. I got closer to the bottom.

I knew what memories lay on the bottom. The ones that really broke my heart. The reason I started this stupid box in the first place. My hopes at the time was that if I put them all in a box, closed it and put it away, I'd be able to forget everything and move on. Sounded simple in theory… but mentally it didn't work. I needed to try harder than that to forget everything. And it I tried very hard over all these years. But maybe some things can never be forgotten?

I exaggerate when I said everything was in here, but everything from movie tickets, photos, little notes we used to slip to each other, dried flowers, and unspoken promises all were held in this box. I flicked quickly through the top layers, but when it came to these memories, there was no quickness about them.

Time just disappeared as a looked through everything, reading each note, remembering each date ticket stubs belonged to. At some point I had started to cry. I couldn't tell you what it was. Maybe it was just all of this? My whole world revolved around this relationship at one point. I thought he was my future, forever and ever. My everything. I won't lie; it hurt like hell, still even today thinking back over what we shared and how it ended. But maturity made me accept a lot of things, and one being that we can't change the past. We can accept it and make peace with those demons.

Taking a break I let myself lay down. Who'd have thought it'd be so mentally and physically exhausting? But then I realise the notion of time. It was already late when I started… I could only imagine the time now. Dawn would be upon me. I sat up and looked at the mess I made. There was no way I was going to put everything back in order. I grabbed the box to move it closer to me so I could start putting things away, but as I move it, I heard a small clunk and silver gleam.

A soft laugh escaped my lips, followed by tears as I recognised what it was. I know, you're curious now. But trust it, it's not what your probably thinking. Maybe? Yes, it was a ring, but remember how I said unspoken promises? No, not marriage, geesh! We were way to young at that time. But this ring was Darien's high school varsity ring. He always wore it. But when I finally agreed to go out with him, he gave it to me. He knew I was still unsure about his true intentions, so he gave me something precious to prove to me that he really wanted to date me with no motives.

I guess you could say a promise ring of sorts. How someone can tell you they love you so much and can't imagine a world without, than just end it like they did. I think I could never forget that relationship, just like I will always have regrets about that it. The good and the bad. No one ever really forgets about their first true love. It's what made me who I am today, so as much as it hurts, I have a lot to thank for it as well.

Returning back to my previous thought on the time, which I attributed to reason of why I was feeling tired and sore. Which also kind of brings me circling back to the beginning of my story. So now you are up to date, I will pack up and head downstairs for some sleep. Still had to go to work tomorrow. But stay tuned, I feel this chapter of my life is nearly over, and maybe, jut maybe… I might be able to start to look forward to something positive happening for once? Things can't honestly always stay dark and gloomy forever can they?

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 **A/N:** Hope you enjoyed~ I'm hoping I can squeeze everything I wanted to in one last chapter *fingers crossed*... otherwise two more chapters and finito. :(


	7. Chapter 6

**My Favourite Broken Heart**

ATTENTION – TRIGGER WARNING. mainly earlier chapters... but still, emotional subjects ahead!

*Alas, I do not own SM ether...*

 **A/N:** You are all so patient! Thank you so much!  
Firstly, happy New Year everyone! May 2019 be a better year, and more productive!  
Secondly, I had chunks written of how I wanted each event to proceed. So while writing the between fluff I realised just how much was left... I WAS going to cut this into two chapters (since it's 11k words this chapter! hahah). BUT I decided to just finish it and give you one big last chapter!

So I hope you enjoy it my pretties! And thank you again for staying with me through this short-ish story. ^-^

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 **Chapter 6**

Getting up was hard. Though that was probably a MASSIVE understatement. But I was used to being in zombie mode frequently. Many nights I struggled to sleep, so I knew I could fully function and go about my day without sleep. Sleep was overrated anyway! It was for the weak. That was my mantra to encourage myself to keep on moving about, and not to fall asleep in a heaped mess for someone else to find. Though, on second thoughts, it could provide entertainment. However with my luck, someone I really didn't want to be found by would find me.

I'd have liked to say my day ' _flew_ ' by, but it was the complete opposite. I was in snail zombie mode all day. Coffee every 2 hours. And I'm talking 4 shot venti's at a time! Yes, I'm well aware of my poor heart… but I was not shaking YET! I know better, and I really should be boosting my body with vitamins and not caffeine… but it was all about conveniences. We all know what we _should_ be doing, but we never follow our own advice.

I can't say precisely when, but at some point in time I did receive a call from my mother. True to Dr Chiba's word, he managed to find time to do emergency surgery on my father. She was advising me that things went smoothly and successful. Yay. However my father was still going to have to stay in hospital for post-surgery watch and until tests confirms the immediate risk has been taken care of.

My mother spent most of her day with my father. I for one wanted to go straight home after work, but decided I'd spend an additional day at my parents. That way Saturday I could go through my old room during the daylight. Of course my mother was over the moon to hear that. Since the hospital was on the way to my parents, I accepted her request to pick her up from the hospital. She asked me to come and see my father, which I declined.

It wasn't so much that I didn't want to see my father, but more so the fact of avoiding someone else. I know I really shouldn't. But the last time we spoke in my office I had felt so scared as to what he wanted to say. On top of that, were the items I just _had_ to rummage through and reminisce over until wee hours in the morning. I mentally slapped myself. Really. It was my own fault. I knew better. I knew that box was a mistake and should have burnt it! Not gone through it. Again, we never follow that little voice that tells what is best for us. Damn curiosity! I'm beginning to believe the cat really was killed!

But going through that box made everything blurry again. What if Darien DID want to take a walk down memory lane and bring up our past? Everything felt so raw again after going through that damned box! Not to mention I've been carrying his old varsity ring in my bag ever since. Another mental slap. I honestly have no idea why I thought I'd _still_ hold on to it. Did I want to return it? Well not really… what would he think of me carrying it around all this time? If he did want to bring up the past, wouldn't I look pathetic that I've still held on to his things all this time… maybe he would think I was holding out for him to come running back to me? Maybe he did see me as the same pathetic woman as the teenage girl I once was?

He did mention a sorry once before. It was sincere… but could it be related? Maybe he realised I'm not the same? But what's the point on saying sorry when I've made it clear I want to move on and leave it in the past? Okay… maybe I wasn't _clear_ and precisely said it out loud. But I'm sure my actions and behaviour to avoid the topic of conversation was a pretty big message in itself? I'm sure in one conversation I did verbally say I didn't want to hear anything?

Well if he needs to say something to clear his own conscience, well shame on him! Nice to know he actually has a soul to feel guilty about things. But I'm not going to be put in a position of hurt again just so _he_ can feel better about himself. Especially if it's because of the current situation of having to work together. And not even together! We hardly see each other when I'm there anyway. So I'm really struggling to understand _why_ he would to have a conversation to me that's so secretive he couldn't just drop it like a bomb. Did he want the satisfaction of watching me fall back into my teenage self and look upon the hurt written over my face as he said whatever it is he needed to feel better about himself?

And again that jerk is making me loose my train of thought! He doesn't even need to be physically present for me to forget what I was doing. Argh! I could hit something and scream! It was so frustrating! Back to what I was saying! Picking up my mum. She felt a bit defensive I did not want to see my father, but given her conversation choice… I think she was sad about me missing an opportunity to meet someone else. If only she would realise how messed up her conversation was.

"Really Serena, he's a lovely doctor. And thanks to him your father is fine and in perfect health again… well as good as it can be for now. I joked about his girlfriend being patient since he is _always_ at the hospital. You know what he said? He's single! Him! What a catch." Of course at which point I was rolling my eyes and internally vomiting at the idea my mother was trying to get at.

"Amy could have done it just as well, mother," I stated matter of fact, completely avoiding the other topic. And Amy totally could have! Dunno why Dr Chiba had to come over here to take a job that Amy could have taken. And before you ask, it's not a job she wanted. One-day yes, but she was firm it was a job she'd take after she had settled down.

"Well, a thank-you never strayed too far. Plus, did you know he was single?" I'm sure that was the third time she had 'mentioned' that fact now. "He's very handsome, I was so surprised to hear that you know." She was blabbing again. I think she knew I stopped listening. After the first time she told me of his status I was clear in my response – "mother, we're work colleagues. Nothing more. Plus he isn't my type." Of course she scoffed at that, because lets face it, he was everyone's damn type!

Luckily for me it was a quick drive. I happened to spend most of the night in my old room. I actually happened to stumble across my old diaries too. I don't know what was worst… these or the stupid box of memento's I still hoarded. Know how I mentioned my feelings and memories were raw earlier? Well, reading my diaries really made me feel like I was a teenager again, feeling all those feelings like it was the first time again. From when I was first asked out, to when I was heart broken. Funny how I used to write all this down. But after the intervention and I started to see the psychologist, I just stopped. I don't think I have ever written my feelings and thoughts down since than.

It'd be pointless now to start. Especially since I have gone paperless. I really have that whole 'minimal living' thing going on. Started right after I left home too. Which potentially attributed to why I never took anything with me when I left. Which in turn is why I'm sitting here feeling like my teenage self again. The more I sat here and stared around my old room, the more memories came back. I was choking on these feelings and emotions. Really. You know when you feel so emotional and your chest feels really tight and heavy and you feel like choking? Yeah. That's how I was right now. Silent tears slipping from my eyes. I really had no control – I couldn't stop if I forced myself.

And that was how my mother found me. Sitting on the floor sobbing like a moron for no real reason. Thankfully she said nothing. She just came and bundled me in her arms as we sat there. I don't know how long it was for, but I opened my eyes to feel her stroking my head as we swayed in a slow steady motion.

"I'm sorry," I started with a hiccup as I moved out of my mother's embrace.

She gave me those eyes of pity and sadness. "It's alright Serena. You're allowed to cry. I'm sure being back here brings back a lot of memories for you." I noticed she was speaking cautiously. She probably wanted to say bad memories, but at least she chose a more diplomatic response. Either way though, it was an understatement. I really don't think she knew just how emotional it was for me to be here.

"I don't expect you to open up and tell me anything. Or pretend the last 10 years never happened," she started as she pushed back a few strands of my hair behind my ear. "But I'm still your mum, and I'll always love you, and we'll always be here for you sweetheart." She paused for a moment and got herself up. "I'm always here if you want to talk honey. I just came up before to tell you dinner was ready. There'll always be a warm place and food here for you darling." She smiled and moved to the door, "don't push yourself, you can stay here for as long as you want." With that she left. I could hear her footsteps slowly disappearing down the stairs.

I remember just laying down and closing my eyes after that. My body must have taken the opportunity to sleep. Cause when I next opened my eyes it was light, and I was on a pillow and a blanket was over me. I took it slow and stumbled up to retrieve my bag from the doorway before making my way to the bathroom. A shower was definitely needed. If I were at home, I would be drawing myself a bath for sure. Nothing more relaxing than being fully submerged under water. Plus the option of bath bombs that release relaxing scents into the steamy air. How that made me want to go home so bad. But I had a plan today to gather what I wanted from my old room. Burn things that should have been burnt years ago!

After my shower I took a stroll downstairs. Apparently the body does need food for energy, and I was starving! Mum was already awake watching her daytime TV re-runs. In the kitchen there was a selection of food on the table already. One thing I loved about my childhood – there was always some sort of food on the table everyday! Coming home after school and fighting with Sammy for the last puff pastry or meatball.

"I can re-heat some leftovers in the fridge if you want," my mother said startling the poop out of me. I did not hear her come up behind me. In a flash while I processed her presence, she was beside the fridge opening the doors. "I can do bacon and eggs? Or porridge if you prefer?"

"It's fine, just coffee. I can have the pastries on the table," I motioned to the table as I tried to walk into the kitchen.

"Sit, sit," my mother pushed me out of the kitchen, "I put the coffee on earlier. Routine for your father. It's been weird not having him here," she went about gliding around in her zone. In a zap she was placing a mug in front of me.

Growing up she would always tell Sammy and I what to drink and eat. She judged critically when I started to drink coffee and overload on sugary snacks. It was very weird, right now, compared to when I was kid. Maybe it was her trying to make me feel more comfortable? Or her guilt over how she treated us kids? Who knows what goes through other people's heads.

But it got weirder as she took a seat across from me. Mug in hand. "I thought you didn't like coffee?" I gave a quizzically look. This was another new development for her.

With a small smile she looked down to the cup, "When you get this old, you feel more tired. It's slowly growing on me. Plus when Sammy left home, I started to spend more time at the community centre. I met a few ladies, and we do social coffee dates once a month."

At least she wasn't all alone at home with dad all the time. Guess after everything that happened, she probably needed to spend more time away from my father and see the real world and see how other women are not slaves like she once thought good housewives should be. Yeah… I'm probably sounding very bitter about that still.

"Soo… what do you have planned for today?" she tried to ask causally as she started to peel back the plastic from the plates on the table. Do I even need to mention how awkward it is feeling?

But it drag me out of my thoughts. "I just want to go through my old room a bit more. It won't take too long. I'll probably be done and gone by lunch time-ish."

"Oh take your time dear, no rush at all." She smiled, "I was thinking of visiting your father after lunch if you want to stop by? I'm sure he would love to see you again before leaving the hospital." She paused taking the chance to look up to me, "I don't know if you'll want to come visit us after this, but I'm sure you're father would like to see you at once after his operation."

Was that a guilt trip statement? I really didn't know what to say. "Maybe… I just have some things I need to think about mum. Things to sort through first before I can work on our relationship again. But I'll come visit soon. Don't worry."

"Okay sweetheart," she said softly. I knew it was not the answer she wanted. But I needed time. "We just want what is best for you. Take your time honey." She slowly got up from her chair and washed her mug up. Briskly walking back into the lounge room. Guess that was the end to that conversation.

I didn't have the capacity to deal with that right now. I'll deal with that guilt trip another day. I knew my parents weren't going anywhere any time soon. And with dad fresh out of hospital soon, there was no life threatening events that would take them away anytime soon. So I had the time I needed to take things slowly.

After breakfast I was back in my old room with garbage bags in hand. I packed a few bags of things I wanted to keep and put them in my car boot. A few bags I packed for charity – like old books and manga and that. Another bag for the bin. But I couldn't bring myself to chuck out my box or diaries. At one point I had managed to bag them up. But I found myself tearing the bag up and putting the items back to their rightful spots. I really don't know what was wrong with me to even want to keep them. They only made me cry and feel like shit. No matter how many good memories were in them, there were just as many bad memories.

I settled with keeping them, but they were _not_ , under _any_ circumstances, were they coming home with me. They were definitely staying here. At least if my parents did want to turn my room into anything, everything was boxed up basically. I let myself get busy so I was not able to think. I was quiet amazed how much I was accomplishing. Before I knew it, I heard my ringtone buzzing. I stood up taking a moment to process before I realised that it my phone.

"Heeey," I breathed as I jumped across the room and burrowed into my bag for my phone. Don't ask me why I answered before checking whom it was. Mental slap. But luckily not many have my private number.

"Serena, so glad I got you! How have you been?" It was Amy. Thank goodness. I don't think I could handle talking to anyone else right now.

"What's up Amy?" it was odd for her to call and ask how I was doing. It was something she would avoid saying so directly. Plus she sounded a bit off.

"Oh, um, not much. I just wanted to call and see how you were." She gave a soft laugh. "I seen your father and spoke to Darien and Melvin about your dad's operation. I guess I just wanted to see how you were… what you're doing?"

"Did my father mention something to you about me going home with my mother?"

There was that pause again. Nail was hit on the head for sure! "I know it's none of my business. I just wanted to call to make sure you are alright."

I let out a sigh, "it's okay Amy. I appreciate it. I'm okay. It's something I needed to do. And it's probably been good for me to be here and go through my old things."

"Sere…" she paused again. Her voice was soft, "do you want me to come over and go through your stuff with you?"

"Nar, it's okay. I've basically done it all. But I have found a few of your old things. Want me to drop them by your place?"

"I'm actually at work right now. I can get them off you later?"

I quickly glanced at the clock on the wall. "Mum's about to leave soon to visit dad. I can drop her off and we can have coffee if you want?"

"Sure, that'll work too. I'll see you soon than." I heard the click over the receiver and sighed. I quickly ran out of my room to the top of the stairs.

"Hey mum, you still here?" I yelled and waited.

"What's up Serena?" I heard my mothers voice behind me. She must have been getting ready since she was now wearing something else from when I last seen her at breakfast.

"When are you leaving to see dad? I'll drop you off. I wanna see Amy."

"Oh, excellent," she smiled, "I was about to leave in ten." She gave an overlook of my appearance. "Did you want a quick shower?"

"Narr, it's okay. I'll quickly put this last bag in the car and freshen up and we can go. 10 mins should be plenty." She gave me a nod and disappeared back into her room.

It's not that I didn't want to shower, that would be lovely. But after sweating and playing around in this dust, I needed a cleanse! Scrub and hair washed. Thankfully coffee would be quick with Amy, and I'd be able to go home and spend the rest of the day cleansing and relaxing.

I also didn't really want to at the hospital. I told mum I didn't want to see my father right away. And I also didn't want to risk running into you know who as well. Seemed like there was a lot of things I wanted to avoid right now. But with all these past memories flooding my head, I don't think I could take a stroll down memory lane right now. I honestly don't know if I was strong enough to handle it. I couldn't years ago. And I don't think much has changed since. Deep down I am still that scared, cowardice child.

My quick freshen up was literally a quick wash of my face and a spray of deodorant. I gave my appearance one last look and sighed. It was good enough. It reflected my mood, and it's not like I was going on a date or impressing anyone!

I was in my comfiest workout wear – full-length black leggings and an old grey Nike, baggy tee. I was wearing my pink Nike's. Hair in a messy chaotic bun with strands flying out. Clearly no make up. It oozed 'I gave up on myself'. And you know what? Maybe I have. But I was so exhausted. Both mentally and physically. I was okay looking like this right now. Okay, that's a lie. I'll be feeling anxious about it when I'm around other people. Knowing they will all be judging me. But at the same time I know mentally I'll be worrying about other things much worst. I just left it. If I stayed and spend more time worrying about this, I'll never leave this house!

The drive was quick and my mother asked yet again if I wanted to see my father. It appeared the only way she would stop asking was if I gave my word I would come visit them when he was out of hospital. So I guess I put myself in between a rock and a hard place there, and now I have an obligation. Great!

Thankfully coffee entailed cake! Sugar! That always maide me feel better. Who needs alcohol and drugs when sugar was so readily available, and easier to obtain. Not to mention cheaper. Not that I would know anyway. Compared to medical drugs people get hooked on, sugar is heaps cheaper. Anyhows… moving on!

Just as I parted ways with my mother I received another call from Amy. She was advising me she was on her way to the Café. So I headed there right away. I got there before her and ordered us drinks. Thankfully she arrived soon afterwards.

I informed her about my interaction with my mother, and a few things I stumbled across while clearing my old room. I happened to bring in the bag of stuff I had for Amy. One item was an old book (of hers) that had some cartoon clips I drew in school of all our friends. Plus there was a photo book I wanted her to have. She was quiet shy in school and was never one to take photos. But she was closer to the girls than me these days. So it sounded appropriate she had all our photos from high school. Remember that whole 'minimal' living I have been going with? Yeah. She can hoard the important stuff.

Safe to say I exited the hospital in a good mood. I think I really needed those laughs with Amy. And I think she felt better knowing I was feeling better too. Perhaps its true when people say that friends and laughs can cure even the saddest of minds. I was actually glad to be in a good mood. I was worried I'd be going home more depressed than I should be. I think I've spent enough weekends wallowing in self-pity. It was a good feeling to have on my way home to a glorious, relaxing bath! Glass of wine and peaceful piano music. It was settled! My evening was now organised.

I was feeling really good and content about how my evening was going to pan out when I parked my car back in the building garage. Despite the three heavy bags I decided to keep and lug up at once, I was almost skipping to the elevator room. I could see a figure in my peripheral. They probably thought I was drunk or something - a grown ass women skipping along with three massive black garbage bags. Oh dear… I probably looked like an axe-murder to be honest. I pushed the up button and slung a bag over my shoulder trying to be as casual as possible. For this reason I tried to avoid the person who was now entering the room. I didn't want to see their judging eyes and looks. But I tell you what, they smelt really good. Like _really_ good! It was an old spice mixed with roses smell. I'm sure I have smelt this before. It was sooo freaking similar.

And just like a light bulb blowing out, it hit me who it reminded me of, I turned in an instant with my mouth and eyes wide open! It couldn't be possible. No way in hell! "Darien!"

"Serena?" we both said in unison. Mine of course was an exclamation like WTF! He was looking at me with a question. Once he confirmed it was I, his usual poker face was displayed with a small smirk.

"What are you doing here?" I legit had never seen him here before. He's been back in Tokyo for months now. Did he just move into the tower? It was the only explanation since we needed key tags to use these elevators. One of the security perks I loved about this building. But he was empty handed and looked exhausted, like he had just finished work?

"Well, I live here," he said flatly. "Technically the North tower," he pointed in the direction of where the other neighbouring building was. You see this complex was split into two. North and South, two towers. We share the same massive garage, however there are north and south elevator rooms. Ground floor you can access both elevators again. I must have looked confused as to why he was using the South elevators then. "There's a new person moving in, and they have high jacked one of the elevators. I was waiting forever for the lift to reach the garage, so I thought I'd take this one to the ground."

I was staring at him with an 'o' shaped mouth. I couldn't speak. I was so sure I had successfully avoided him for today when I left the hospital. I guess the man does have a life outside of the hospital. And he doesn't live there either! Plus I was also realising again what I was wearing and how I probably appeared to him. I wanted to slap myself. I looked like a sweaty slob. I was embarrassed. Not that I should be caring at all what _he_ thinks! But it mattered to me. I just closed my mouth while chewing on the bottom lip. My eyes were casted down. How the fudge do I get out of this. I can't lie and say I need to take these back to my car, he bloody seen me walk into the room with them.

' _ding'_ – the elevator arrived and he had held out his hand for me to get in first. "Want some help with those bags?" he offered. I guess he must have noticed how my muscles were showing their fatigue by shaking a bit.

"No, it's fine!" I blurted faster than I should have. Strong independent women needed to be projected right now! You're not that worthless, dependant being he once knew you as.

"Okay," he put his hands up to show peace. "What level?" he was looking at me again. God how I hated that poker face! He didn't give anything away!

Did I want him to know what level I was on? NO! But I also just wanted to get away from his ASAP. "Ground level is fine. I need to check if I had a delivery today," I said matter of fact. Technically it was true, I was expecting a parcel to be delivered soon. The beauty of online shopping! Don't need to leave the comfort of my own couch and impress anyone in crowded shopping centres!

I heard him sigh in defeat. Oh how I wanted yell, 'suck it!' I won this round. "Listen Serena," he started. But I couldn't let him continue. As soon as I registered his two words my whole body started to shake and sweat.

"Please, Darien. Don't say anything. There is nothing that needs to be said." I blurted out in a puff, avoid eye contact with him as I whipped my head away from his direction.

"I won't stop until you agree to talk to me Serena. I really need to tell you something!" he sounded annoyed, but desperation was also heavily undernoted. I risked a glance in his direction and instantly wished I didn't. He was looking at me like a lost little boy, eyes pleading for me to give into his will. Almost begging.

I swallowed hard. I looked up into the corner of the elevator to stop myself from crying. I felt like I was being pushed into a corner with my emotions. "I can't bear it Darien. I mentally will never be prepared to listen to anything you have to say. Especially if it is about what has already happened. It's in the past. _Please_ leave it there." I stressed each word, pleading almost with him at the end. I could feel my eyes water as I blinked back an on slaughter of engulfing tears. I really didn't want to be talking about this. I needed to get out of this situation.

As if on cue, the elevator hit ground floor with a ding and the doors opened. I rushed out and lugged my bags straight over to the reception counter. "George!" I smiled as best I could, "Can I leave these here for a bit? I need to run out for an emergency?"

He stood from the reception desk, "of course Miss Tuskino," he said rounding the counter and grabbing the bags. "I'll leave a note for Anthony so he's aware when he gets on shift." He turned and walked towards a door behind the counter.

"Thanks George!" I gave another dazzling smile and ran out the buildings door.

"Serena!" I heard his voice yelling behind me. I shook my head and pushed myself to run harder, faster! Without thinking I took the path towards the park and boardwalk along the river. I knew I couldn't avoid him forever, but I really couldn't do it right now. Not after the last few days of experiencing all those raw emotions again like it all happened yesterday.

I was running blindly as my tears slipped freely down my cheeks. For what felt like forever, my limbs gave out on me and I tripped over goodness only knows what. Possibly my own feet. I struggled to pull myself up and proceeded to the railing on the boardwalk, kicking my purse that came off my shoulder towards the railing. I just let go of myself and gave in the instincts. I gave my loudest scream possible. If anyone were around they probably thought I was either going through a mental break or a raving lunatic! It was exhilarating though, and a much needed release. But almost instantly I returned to openly sobbing. It felt like my whole world was crumbling again and nothing even happened! Like for Christ sake, the man wanted to talk, and I was too scared to even consider it would be about anything else. It's not like our interactions gave me any indication that he felt remorseful about our past?! It was crazy how this man could make me so emotional without even trying. This was my life and he was somehow apart of it in a way I couldn't control. I still had years left on my contract with the hospital, so leaving was outside of my control. That's what it was. I had no control anymore.

My thoughts were silenced as I suddenly felt two strong arms embrace me. One around the top of my shoulders and another around my waist. A warm breathe on the side of my neck. They didn't need to speak for me to know who it was. As crazy as it sounded, all those emotions from my box and diaries made me feel comfort in this once cherished embrace. Nevertheless, I was also angered that he would even follow me, but for some reason my mind let go of the anger and I broke down even harder, crying out pain. Not physical… but emotional pain. That stabbing feeling you feel in your heart and stomach when the pits of your stomach are fluttering about out of control because nothing in your body no longer works the way it should. I wanted to scream and shout and hit this man. But all I could do was sob like a child. Oh how I must have looked in his eyes. Re-affirming everything he once thought about me all those years ago. I was just a stupid child who couldn't do anything right. Classic Serena running away from shit instead of dealing with it. Ignoring it like it will pass on by without an utterance.

And again, he snapped me out of my thoughts. He started to speak, his words but a whisper into my ear that sent a shiver down my spine. "I'm _so_ sorry for everything Serena. I have always, _always_ , regretted what I said all those years ago. Including how I behaved back then. _I_ was the coward. This is not me seeking to clear my conscience or guilt. But I've always avoided returning back to Japan because I felt ashamed to face you again. Ashamed that I hurt you the way I did and left how I did. I was a self-centred, conceited asshole back than and I gave up on us in order to make it easier to decide my future. But when I seen you run out of that board room during my welcoming lunch, I knew it was fate that brought me back to you. Of all the places _you_ were there too. I knew I needed to stop being a coward and apologise for what happened between us. It was all me. Never you. I failed you as a boyfriend. I expected too much without considering you as a person. Our age gap and mental capacity to understand social influence." He sounded like a scared boy, stressing words that expressed emotional distress. I also pitied him, but I didn't fall for that trap. I wanted to bring my arms over my chest to hide myself, but I was frozen. By body no longer moved on my will.

At some point I had stopped crying and listened to him with my eyes closed. His voice got softer and quieter, but his grip hardened around me. I could feel the wet from his tears soak my shoulder as he buried his face into my neck after he spoke. We stayed like that for what felt like forever. I felt choked, unable to speak. I didn't even know what to say. Where to start! It was a mess. I had no idea he felt that way about things. It bothered me that he couldn't be honest when we were dating and breaking up… but at least he admitted it now how selfish he was. It also occurred to me that I was not the only one who had spent these last 10 years thinking about the past. Thinking about the other person. No matter how I looked at it, every time I would find an excuse for my behaviour, or relationships not working, he was always at the centre for causation. The mysterious reason behind it all. As much I vehemently denied it, and tried to move on… perhaps I never truly stopped loving him. No. I knew I never stopped. I just needed to believe I needed to in order to move on properly. Deep down I knew it was all denial. But it was pointless holding on to the idea of 'what if' and 'maybe'. Especially now. Everything was fragile, and I couldn't risk letting him affect me like he was.

I gave a sniffle and a sigh. In response I felt the weight from his head lift off my shoulder, and his arms loosen around me. "I know I have no right to touch you, for that I'm sorry. But I really needed to you stop running away from me and listen. I don't do this to make you feel worst about the past, or bring back painful memories. I just needed to apologise and tell you that it was all me. I was the one that was incorrect. I was the arrogant jerk that gave up on us. And you deserved so much better than what I put you through. I made you a promise, and I let you down. I said hurtful things to make you hate me so I could feel better about my decision. But all these years I resented myself for it. And don't get up her, but Amy told me a few things, and it made me realise just how much of a selfish asshole I was and how it all affected you. I really truly apologise and wish I could go back in time and be honest with both you and myself. About everything." He sighed. His voice was breaking, pausing every so often for the choice of words. I'd have to have a word with Amy… but I'm sure she wouldn't have said anything unless it was for my sake. Perhaps she mentioned something to him to ensure he didn't trigger anything? Although she was reserved, she could most definitely snap at someone and put them in their place if they were to talk out of turn about her friends.

When his pause prolonged to the point I figured he didn't have anything else to say, I tried to wriggle myself from his grasp. Thankfully he got the message and let go of me completely. I guess my tears all dried up too. I was still sniffling though. I also felt how sore my knees and elbows were as they started to pulsate. Realising I had that fall before. I made eye contact with the closest bench and gritted my teeth as I bent down to pick up my purse, and walk over to the bench. Definitely think my knee and legging material fused together. As I sat down and stared in front of me, I noticed Darien was still standing where he was, looking over the pond. I couldn't help but admire how his physic filled the black slacks and blue button up shirt he was wearing. His dress sense hadn't really changed. His style was smart business/casual. Never wore sneakers unless he was in gym gear. The man looked like he was walking out of a luxury branded advertisement. Suddenly he had moved his hand to his face – probably wiping his tears away? I don't know. But he slowly turned around. He was looking very sad. But once he realised I was still there, his frown turned into a grimace.

Taking a seat at the other end of the bench I was at, he let out a deep breath and sat with his elbows on knees and head in his hands looking down. I won't lie; it made me feel glad that he was also an emotional wreck. That he was affected by what happened too. But on the other hand, it _was_ his entire fault. Okay, that was harsh. Technically my behaviour and lack of knowledge didn't help. But also these past few months… it amazed me how good he could handle his emotions and thoughts. Did he really mean everything he just said? Was it true that he felt ashamed by what happened all those years ago? Was it even possible the he _could_ feel those things?

I mean, when he broke up with me he dumped everything off his mind that he thought about me and left like he just took out the trash. He didn't even stutter or show emotions! What was I to think? Clearly it was what he wanted and he felt no remorse about how I would take it all. And yet here he was contradicting his previous actions. He mentioned it was to make his decision easier for his future. But there are couples out there that do long distance relationships! And from my experiences, relationships are built on honesty and two people working together to fix the issues. I'm sure we could have gotten there eventually and made it work. But was it really the going abroad issue? Or was it that he wanted to experience more? Be free while he was over there?

I suppose it was only natural for me to question it all. Really, any sane person would in this situation. But I still felt like I was over analysing more than I should be. It was also odd. Kind of like a dumbstruck moment. I felt kind of comfortable at the current moment. It was weird, considering how much stress and anxiety I had before. I looked up towards the clouds. It was getting late, almost dusk. Yeah, it had been a couple of hours now. So much for a relaxing evening with wine and piano. But the atmosphere was calm. It still demanded things to be said… but I think we were both exhausted, mentally and physically.

"I'm going to go," I said with a massive sigh to break the silence. I noticed him glance my way as I pushed myself up from the bench. I let a small grunt out as my knees bent into the pressure of the tight leggings. I let another breath out as I reached for my purse.

Desperation was still etched over his face as he glanced towards me watching my movements. It was clear he wanted to say something. But clearly didn't know where to start. I guess neither of us knew where to go from here. All this time I looked at him as being someone who knew clearly what to do all the time, and yet, here he was unable to be the Darien I knew him as. I let a small giggle out as I watched his facial features change with his thought process. Registering my laugh he gave the classic arched brow. It felt a little bit better knowing there was some sort of normalcy in this interaction now.

"I think…" I started, but stopped for a second. "I don't know what Amy told you," he was looking at me with a very solemn look. "But I struggled when you ended things, and it's taken me ages to get where I am today," I spoke slowly and softly. I almost couldn't believe I had the courage to be honest like this, "My behaviour before was simply because I wouldn't have been able to maintain any sort of composure if you had of said anything along the lines of what you told me before you walked out on us, or reminded me directly of those things." I took a massive breath and chewed my lips as I blinked back a few tears. Thankfully he was still listening, just watching with saddened eyes. "I'm not going to lie, it makes me happy to hear that you had a terrible time too. However it's also unfair that you get to free yourself of whatever shame you felt because it was ultimately your decision to control everything 10 years ago."

I noticed he glanced away. Guilt clearly written over his features. I continued, "It can't be helped that we happen to live so close together, and our professional careers cross paths at the hospital. However I guess now that I know you're not here to rub what happened in my face and intentionally bring up bad memories to bask in my pain…" Dairen had whipped his head around and was ready to say something, however I lifted my hand to pause him. "I suppose we can manage and come to an agreement on how to deal with possible future interactions… I don't know." I shook my head. "I don't want to take a walk down memory lane. I don't want to talk about our past. At least not now, or anytime soon." I chewed on my lip again as he sat and continued to listen. I was actually really glad he wasn't doing anything or trying to speak. It probably would have either frustrated and angered me, or made me scared to be this forward and confident.

"Maybe sometime this coming week we can sort out how we can approach future interactions?" I asked finally meeting his eyes. Ordinarily I would have freaked out, but somehow I was feeling powerful and in charge.

"That's fine," he nodded his head, "whatever is suitable for you," he added. His voice had regained its usual deepness as he stood up from the bench, hands straight into his trouser pockets.

I nodded my head in agreement as I thought. I guess it could be something I can face and deal with at the time. My body was aching and I had a headache coming on. Not to mention my eyes were feeling dry and sore as well. "Okay, well… I guess bye," I dribbled out as I turned in the direction of home. I took a few steps and noticed I was limping. How could I have run so far? Mental slap! This was going to be a long walk home. Maybe I could catch an Uber from the car park ahead?

And yet again, as if on cue! My thoughts were once again immobilised by the very man who could possibly give me an aneurism from over thinking! He had literally swept me off my feet. And not in a good way! It was sudden and caused me to jerk in reaction. Thankfully he was strong and remained stable through the whole process while he held me bridal style. "Don't say anything. As a doctor I can't allow you to further cause injury to yourself," he said softly as he stared ahead and continued to walk in the direction of home.

"If you take me to the car park, I can catch a cab," I offered. I could feel myself getting a bit tense from the close proximity. That delicious smell of roses and old spice; and not to mention how hard his arms felt. He must definitely keep up his fitness.

"It's fine Serena. You're not going to break my back. We're going to the same place… essentially." I could tell he was thinking about something, but then he shook his head and focused on the walk ahead.

I let out a sign and tried to relax as much as I could, given the circumstances. But I'll be honest, it was fudging awkward! At the same time also entertaining. I could see the building in view, and he wasn't even breaking a sweat yet! I was impressed for sure. When we were about 400metres from the entrance I could feel his arms starts to give a little, and perspiration starting to form along his hairline. Human. Yeap.

"You can let me down now, we're close," I said trying to wiggle myself free.

"Stop it," he muttered as he threw me up a bit to strengthen his grasp after my wiggling. "I'll have a look at your grazes. I'm sure reception has a first aid box."

"No, noooo," I muttered a bit loud in haste, "I don't want people staring! Arg. It's bad enough I look horrible! No. It's fine. It's just a few grazes."

He stopped a few steps in front of the door and stared at me, like I had just said the most offensive thing ever. "Serena…" he said sternly looking me directly in the eyes. But then he swallowed and turned his head from me, "do you have a kit at home? Or I have everything at my place. I even have some numbing cream? It would help take the pulsating feeling away and help you sleep if it's causing pain for you?"

I just stared at him. I almost wanted to kick myself too. Another awkward situation. Clearly he potentially won't take no for an answer. If I treated myself at home he'd no doubt enquire the next time we run into each other… and he'd probably find out it never happened because I don't actually own a first aid kit… I have Band-Aids if that counts? I gave him another look to notice his brow was raised awaiting my response. "Umm… I appreciate the help. But it's really okay."

"It's my fault. It's the least I can do and offer," he retorted. Yeah… I feel like I had little option. "If you're concerned about me finding out where you live, or being alone in my apartment, I can send the cream to reception for you to pick up?"

It was nice of him to offer, but I hung my head in defeat, "I don't have a first aid kit at home… and I won't be able to walk to reception…"

"Okay… well I can bring my whole kit over?" he offered as he started to move again towards the buildings doors. It was my building. I also noticed he was going straight for the elevators. "I'll take you up to your door. You can shower and I can come over later to dress the grazes for you and apply numbing cream?" he said in his doctor voice. It was stern with a flat tone.

I watched as he shuffled his weight to free a hand to hit the 'up' button. "I suppose that's fine," I whispered. I was chewing my lip. Yes it made me nervous as hell! But I also kind of felt comfortable with the thought that he wasn't spiteful and had a negative intention… at least not the vibes I was getting at the current moment.

With a ding we entered the elevator, "47," I offered before he could ask. Obligingly, he hit the number and we stood in silence as we went up. Another ding and he walked us out, "to the left, 4702," I offered again. Within a moments breath he slowly placed me down on the ground. "Thanks," I mumbled as I busied myself in my purse to fish out my keys.

It was awkward as he just stood there watching me fetch my keys and unlock my door. Was this where he pushed me inside and murdered me? I felt some sort of ease knowing there were cameras… so someone would at least be aware of my missing status and discover who killed me. But once I clicked it open and turned back to him, I noticed he had taken a few steps back.

"I'll come back in an hour with my kit," he stated firmly, "go shower and that," he stopped and met my eyes. "Not that my opinion holds any weight, but even as you are now, you'll always be perfect. So you should not have negative thoughts like you had earlier about your appearance and what other people of you." With that he turned away and went back to the elevators. I could see the back of his figure, and as the elevator door opened, he gave a small smile and wave. I however was frozen there for a moment longer. What did he just say to me? I wasn't sure how I should have taken that. I could have sworn a shiver went up my spine. The kind where someone flatters you and you get all giddy. I groaned as I smacked my hand against my forehead! It was dangerous to have such thoughts and feelings.

I won't deny, he was still hellas attractive. If it wasn't for our past, I suppose I would have liked the idea of dating him, or at least hooking up with him. But our past complicated things for sure… and so this giddy feeling was something I couldn't afford to throw me off. Not after I just suggested we agree to come to a civilised way to interact in the future. I'm sure that was clear with the intent of barely friend's… colleague status at best. But could I trust a man to understand the thought process of a woman? I guess I needed to be clear when we have that conversation.

I dumped everything on the hallway counter and kicked off my shoes. I couldn't be fudged to put them away right now. My first task was to somehow get these damned tights off! Peeling them away from my knees was going to fun. I gave up when I noticed the blood had dried and stuck the pants to me. Taking off everything else, I wore my pants into the shower and let the water soak in to help soften it all. Gross, I know. But I was a baby when it came to pain. And this was not a 'Band-Aid' moment to just rip it off! Okay! Eventually I got there and got them off, wringing the water out and throwing them into the corner of my bathroom. Yes, I was a little frustrated with them. But right now, I just needed to wash my hair and scrub. The soap and shampoo that drizzled into my grazes stung like hell. And stretching my arms over my head to wash my hair hurt.

By the time I go out of the shower I was feeling a lot more relaxed and refreshed. However the grazes hadn't stopped stinging since the soap hit them. In the back of my head I was almost glad to know Darien was coming over to save me with this miracle numbing cream. Thinking about him, I glanced towards the little waterproof clock I had in the shower. Had it been an hour? I don't even know what time I got back and how long it took me to get those damned pants off! Deciding it was best to rush, I threw on some knee length boxers I had and a tee. I gave my hair a quick 5-minute blow dry to get it damp and throw it up into a top bun. I also noticed my headache wasn't as bas as it was before. So small wins.

I walked out into the lounge room and felt my stomach growl. I supposed I hadn't really eaten all day… just sweet pastries for breakfast, and coffee and cake for lunch. I was surprised I hadn't passed out yet! I went straight to the kitchen and threw the fridge doors open. Come to mummy… nothing. How could I not have anything ready to snack on? Did I have time to cook some eggs? Maybe a bowl of cereal? Was my milk still alright?

- _Knock Knock-_

My head shot up from the fridge towards my front door. Was that him? Was that my door? I closed the doors and briskly walked –as fast as I could given my knees, to my front door. Throwing it open, I was slapped in the face with a strong scent of roses and old space. Argh! The 'me' in my head was screaming and pulling my hair out! God it smelt so good!

"Hey," he gave a dashing smile as he held up his kit in one hand, and a bag in the other, "I figured you hadn't ate yet, so I ordered some ramen. I hope that is okay." I could tell he was getting a bit awkward as I stood and stared. He must have freshened up too. He was wearing navy trousers with a white polo and boat shoes. Like who the eff wears boat shoes at this time of night? Maybe that was his attempt to be 'casual'… I shook my head and smiled.

"Thanks for bringing that over to me," I muttered as I welcomed him inside. He took his shoes off and progressed inside.

"Oh, similar layout it appears," he muttered as he gliding towards the kitchen and dining room. "And no worries, looking at your knees you must be in some pain?" he took a glance behind him towards where I was. I just followed him in my own home! At least that solved my food issue. And ramen! It smelt like my favourite too… amazing how he could remember that.

He placed the bag on the kitchen counter and shuffled to the dining table, "have a seat," he glanced back to me as he pulled a chair out. Was it strange that I didn't feel like this was my home anymore? But I abided and watched him poke around his kit. He sprayed some antiseptic on first and let it sit for a moment while he sprayed the others. Treating each graze at a time, and finishing with applying the cream over the top for me. "You should be all set, just let the cream sit for half an hour minimal, you should start to loose feeling of that ache. If the cream hasn't absorbed you can wipe it off before bed to save your sheets."

I watched him pack up and wash his hands at the kitchen sink. I was feeling kind of awkward, but also lost as to how I should be feeling and thinking. I understand it was probably his habit due to his profession to be like this… but it was strange that he was persistent about doing this for me… in addition to the food as well. Was that normal for people in our situation and circumstance?

"Ok, well you're all set for the night, so I'll make my way out now," his words broke my train of thought.

I quickly shuffled to my feet, "Oh? Umm, thanks! Really. I appreciate the effort to come over and do that for me. And the food too. Though you really didn't have to," I said as I followed him to my front door. I dunno if it was just me, but did he seem keen to run out from here?

After his shoes were back on, he turned back towards me. He had a soft expression, his eyes showed his exhaustion, but also something else. "It was really nothing Serena," he smiled again, holding my gaze. I guess when we both realised how awkward it was he cleared his throat and shoved his spare hand into his pants pocket.

I stared at my bag for a moment. "Hey Darien," I approached slowly, "Don't over think it… but I was going through some things at my parents… and I don't know why I kept this, but I thought I should return it to you," I stumbled over my words as I dug into my bag and grasped his varsity ring in my fist. Swallowing hard I brought my fist out and pushed it in his direction.

He gave me a questioning look that was mixed between intrigue and hesitation. None the less, he held out his hand in silence.

I sucked in my breath and let it drop onto his palm. I watched as his face turned to surprise. He pushed the ring with his thumb to hold it between his fingers, bringing it up closer to his face. "Wow," he half laughed, "I was actually thinking about this the other day when the school reached out to me upon hearing of my return to Tokyo and wanted me to attend a reunion," he looked back at me, "I thought you would have thrown this out into the sea or something."

I felt my face going red, crap! "Well, trust me. I wanted to. Multiple times. But I ended up storing everything in a box… which I found the other day… and I remembered how important it was to you, so I figured I should return it instead of actually throwing it out this time," I was speaking, trying to be casual, I couldn't reach his eyes. I don't think I had the courage to look into his eyes at this moment. I was rolling my feet in an awful habit to distract myself.

"Listen," he started as he put his ring into his pocket, "I guess now we've cleared the air a little… and we're going to act civilised in regards to future interactions and come to an agreement on how our…" he paused thinking of a word.

"Acquaintance-ship?" I interjected looking up at him. Be firm girl! Not friends! I don't think it would be possible to be friends with our history. What if he got himself a girlfriend and he started to talk about her to me… no. Not friends.

I noticed his features dropped a bit and his smile slipped; did he look sad at that suggestion?

"Right," he cleared his throat and put the classic poker face on. "Given we started off on the wrong foot, how about we start off fresh?" He paused to look at me. I'm sure I had that 'huh' face on. "I think it'd do us good to one day sit down and air out the past, but I respect your decision, and when you're ready, I'll be ready to talk about anything you want," He added.

"So… what do you want?" I asked cautiously. What was he getting at?

"Let's pretend we're meeting again for the first time? Even the next time we run into each other?" he looked hopeful with a small half smile.

I guess it wouldn't hurt. It'd probably make it easier for me to know how to act next time we bump into each other. No pretences since we are both making a deal about how to act and how our acquaintance-ship will start off? "I guess it will probably make things easier in the future. And I suppose one day we should shed some light on our past for the sake of disclosure." I was chewing on my bottom lip again. He was looking happier for a start, but there was still some tension in the air. I decided we mise well do it now, otherwise it might be awkward for the next time on how to approach the issue.

I plastered the biggest and best smile I could, "I'm Doctor Serena Tsukino. I'm a psychologist. I have my own practice and do pro-bono work at the hospital. I'm not really close to my parents, but I have a spoiled little brother who's living abroad. I've had my heart smashed to pieces by the love of my life, and probably won't ever date again. I used to have 4 best friends, however we've gradually lost touch, and now I only see one on a regular basis. I don't really have many other friends. Work became my life. I suffer from severe anxiety and depression, and I don't really have a life outside of work," I said flatly as I presented my hand for a shake.

This earned a surprised look from Darien – like a deer in headlights! But he gracefully recovered and took my hand, "pleasure Dr Tsukino," he kissed the top of my hand and let it drop. "I'm Doctor Darien Chiba. I'm currently the Chief of Surgery at South Tomeo Private Hospital. I recent returned to Tokyo after moving abroad for college. I have only ever made one wrong decision in my life, and that was letting go of the most precious thing that was in my life to achieve my dream and I will forever feel ashamed about that. Since than I never felt worthy enough of anyone who even slightly measured up to her existence. I don't have any family, hardly any friends too. It appears we share work being our life in common," he gave a small bow. His posture felt off and awkward, like he was hesitant about something.

"Well doctor," I cleared my throat to clear the tension a bit, "Luckily Tokyo is pretty big, so who knows. You might change some of your circumstance. There is a lot to offer in this city."

"Actually," he interrupted, head whipping in my direction meeting my eyes, taking a step forward with this new found confidence that oozed off him, "You're introduction struck a cord with me. Someone as gorgeous as you should not be hidden and scared to find happiness. I also couldn't help but notice how close my home is to yours." He had managed to dump his first aid kit on the hall table and take hold of my hand in his own, slowly bending down on one knee. "I'm not one to believe in coincidences… but sometimes we have no control over how we feel about people, and whom we are attracted to. Sometimes we have to believe that things happen for a reason. We have to push ourselves outside of our comfort zones and risk everything on a chance, an opportunity, that maybe it was meant to be? And for that reason, I Darien Chiba, would love to take you, Serena Tuskino, out on a proper date. I will court you for months if I have to. There is just one, and will only ever be just one person I will always and forever want in this lifetime."

I was frozen as I started at his kneeling form in front of me. I literally was blank. Nothing was coherent in my head that made _any_ sense! It was a jumble of words. I struggled to fully process and comprehend what he had just said to me. He looked hopeful and handsome as he stared at me waiting for my response. Not a single muscle moved – nor did I think he had any intention of moving until he got a reply from me. A reply? How does one reply to that! So much had happened today and I just wanted to die. What if I make the wrong decision due to my exhaustion? The suddenness of it all?

That little voice was telling me I was trying to find an excuse to reject him, because inside my head I kept yelling 'yes!' over and over again. I'm sure any girl would be gushing over the declaration of this handsome man… but really? Could I just say yes after everything? Did he deserve a chance? Did I want to risk my wellbeing to see this through and hope and pray every day that he had indeed changed, and wouldn't do what he had done before to me again? I opened my mouth to say something, but a squeak came out and I snapped it closed. I couldn't trust my voice. I was feeling very hot and flustered again, like my anxiety had managed to grab onto my nervous system and was beginning to bring this once strong castle to the ground!

I assume he must have gathered my inner turmoil as he stood up and embraced me in a hug. It was so sudden I didn't even have time to react. But luckily it didn't last long. He took a step back leaving his hands on my shoulders. "It's a lot to take in. I understand. But I won't give up on you again. I will do whatever it takes to make you trust in me again. No matter how long that may be, Serena Tuskino, I am going to fight tooth and nail for you, and show you what you truly deserve!" His expression was unyielding as his tone was flat. Perhaps trying to be serious, or show the seriousness of the situation?

With that, he removed his hands from my shoulders and moved to the table to grab his kit. Moving towards the door he opened it and slightly turned back towards me – who was still glued in the same spot staring at him. "Go eat, and have a good night. And I guess I'll see you around the hospital?" was all he said before leaving. With a soft click of the door he was gone. His smell still occupying my senses as it lingered in the tiny hallway.

A single tear slipped down my cheek as I realised how tight my chest was becoming. Was it a tear of happiness? Pain? Confusion? I could hardly breath. What did he mean? Was he serious? Did that actually just happen? How could he be so serious about it all? I slowly turned on my heel and moved to the kitchen. Unfortunately that hunger was still present. Those pains were unmistakable.

Looking at the bag I sighed. There wasn't anything about me he had forgotten, was there? That surely proved something? Perhaps he was being sincere and honest? But how would it work with our history? Surely we couldn't pretend and tip toe around that massive issue? There was no way we could ever have a normal relationship? Was there? Why was I even hoping that was a chance we could! It would just be weird. Everything I had learned and experienced from relationships after him would be blown out of the water. This was like throwing a grenade in an already war torn zone.

I sighed as I pulled the ramen bowl out and took the cover off. I suppose it would not hurt to see what he had planned? He was the one who said he was going to court me… I never said anything. So if I watched as a bystander, technically I wasn't involved right? It definitely made me remember the beginning of our first courtship. He was so hell-bent on proving to me that he was for real about dating me. He even managed to wow me a few times as a teenager. So it'd be interesting to see what tricks he could pull as a man…

*~ THE END ~*

* * *

 **A/N:** WOWSERS! It's done! The fastest I have ever completed any story! hahah.

To clarify the ending - I left it open with the understanding that Serena is open to persuasion. AKA, she let him prove to her at the beginning, and she's open again this time around to see how he proves himself. It's clear they both hold strong emotions for each other still... It's smutty. I know! I'm a sucker for Happy Endings...

I also had a thought while re-reading to MAYBE do an extra chapter or short story to cover Darien's POV, briefly! MAYBE. Cause I've written some notes about his thoughts and feelings and think it'd be pretty interesting to understand some of his behaviour in their earlier interactions (when he first came to the hospital).

I actually want to continue with 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' right now, so I might work on Darien's POV during, or when I've finished that story.

Again, thank you to everyone who stayed with me and commented. Hope you enjoyed my story for what it is at least.


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